As I requested today is the last day of this assignment that has not been good. I’ll start on Monday at a new one in the department that I used to work full time in. I am a temp in this current position. I haven’t done any work during the last three days, and prior to that I did things that the bopping chicken which Homer Simpson had set up to keep hitting Y.

I had sought out to leave early today. My timesheet is signed off and it read till 5pm, I would have put 330pm, but my manager would like me to stay until 5pm. What could possibly possess her to want me here longer?

Vivian = Manager

1. Vivian wants see the look of disgust on my face from being here at least five more times today?
2. Vivian would like to keep yelling at people over the phone to the point that I can hear her conversations that will eventually make my ears will bleed?
3. Vivian is mean?
4. Vivian wants to get nekked and invite me into her office for drinks?
5. Vivian still thinks that a temp needs to complete an exit interview, despite that the BISO and HR say no?
6. Vivian wants more people to stop by my desk and talk trash about her to me?
7. Vivian thinks she is saving the company money by having me get paid to write this blog?
8. Vivian wants to see my bubble butt walk out of her office one last time?
9. Vivian is secretly counting how many cups of water I drink and how many times I go pee?
10. Her constant yelling is really her way of saying thank you?
11. She’s hoping that I will fart in her presence some more?
12. Vivian is planning to have a Roast in my honor at 4:30pm?
13. She is a mean person?
14. She likes knowing that someone is being paid good money, reporting to her, and doing nothing?
15. She needs to put make up on before giving me a goodbye kiss?
16. Vivian would like to sound extra spider vagina voiced over the next hour?
17. She is a megalomaniac?
18. Maybe she heard that I am an assman?
19. Vivian is waiting to have security come up and escort me out?
20. She wants to keep tempting me to send out an email to all 300,000 plus employees, about how awful she is?
21. She wants me to hear how she wants to go home yet again today?
22. She wants to watch me do nothing when she asks me to do actual work?
23. Vivian plans on opening her door and pulling a bloody tampon from her crotch, that she’s been using since 1979 when the NY Times described her as not only beautiful, but smart too, and then throwing in my general direction.
24. She wants to see if I can vomit at the mere sight of her?
25. She wants to try and set me up with one of the many gay men that work in my office?
26. Vivian wants me to spot her in the gym for an hour?
27. Vivian is planning on actually addressing employees with respect?
28. She wants to see if she can waste another 8 grand on cubicle reconfigurations that don’t make more room?
29. She wants me to finally acknowledge the return of someone who has been on vacation for the last two weeks?
30. She is using MS Paint to draw me nude?
31. She is waiting for a brick to finish curing so that she can hit me over the side of the head with it?
32. She wants me to see another email with both the names Bertram and Chalmers Cc’d in it?
33. Vivian thinks that having me stay until 5pm is an appropriate belated birthday gift?
34. She is awaiting the moth s to hatch inside her vagina, spread her legs, her them eat my clothes off my back before I go?
35. Vivian likes when I ignore the new eating disorder girl 24/7?
36. Vivian needs to keep thinking she is important?
37. She wants to see how many blogs I can publish in one day?
38. She thinks that she is my friend?
39. Vivian thinks that she s punishing me by keeping me hear only to write a blog of how awful she is, yet again?
40. Vivian needs me to sign off on her much-needed box FedEx package of KY Warming liquid?
41. She wants to give me time to swap around the letters of my QWERTY keyboard?
42. She thinks that I will just sit here and twirl my thumbs?
43. She wants to beat me up on Park Ave. in front of all the rush hour commuters?
44. Vivian wants to flick some of her dandruff on me?
45. She wants to complain more about someone else taking credit for the ATM project?
46. She wants to allow me some more time to play the Black Crowes inside my head, on repeat, without interruption?
47. She thinks 17 more farts from my butt will officially break in this new chair for her old saggy butt?
48. Vivian is preparing to perform a staged fall as she walks by my cube to put a smile on my face?
49. She wants me to watch the dust gather on the bin labeled “Items to be shredded”?
50. She thinks Gawker will have some good updates hat I shouldn’t wait to read until I got home?
51. She plans on making over the top hand movements, unlock my bottom desk drawer, and pull the Professor from Gilligan’s Island out?
52. Vivian is needs my karma while planning on getting Ryan Seacrest to out himself?
53. She wants to hear me play Larry King farting yet again in my cube?
54. She thinks if I stay too long, that I will forget to fax in my timesheet?Vivian thinks that I can’t continue writing the nasty truth about her next week?