Californians

My cube sits outside of a corner office that is used by a guy from California. The sight of this man today has made me remember that most people from California are complete douche bag idiots in one form or another.

*** I realize that there are plenty of douche bag idiots from all over, but Californians at are the top of the list with me.

1- My high school senior trip was the first time that I remember getting the full on retardation of people that lived in California. I met a bunch of people from both Northern and Southern California. The people from up north being bigger douche bags than the southerners. My friends and I would walk around making fun of these northerners by saying “hey, I’m from California, from like uhhh, the north.” People would turn around and be like, “really? Me too!” At which point we would tell them that we were from New York and that we were really just making fun of some of the people we had come across. At this point in time I was under the impression that it was just a select few that were completely retarded. That trip also let me to meet some very good, and friendly Californian girls, but they too weren’t the brightest. While walking to go grab some dinner with them one, we decided to jaywalk, we all did it except for one blonde one and my friend Boz. A Delorean didn’t break in time and ended up hitting the girl. She was able to walk away from it, but was limping pretty badly. We immediately ran over to see how badly she was hurt, and like an idiot she just got up and refused the man who hit her with his cars request that he call for help, and even his basic info in case she wasn’t alright afterwards.
2- The entire office that works in my current department in Sacramento. All brain dead people. For some of the following reasons, they are always “busy and overworked” yet don’t produce much results in any shape or form. They will order one pen at a time. One. With shipping costs that ends up costing the company about $30.00 minimum after all the shipping costs, surcharges, etc. The guy named Don who wears Hawaiian shirts to work everyday, the same man who goes fishing every day that he can during his one hour lunch break. The same man who sits in a live videoconference room (that is on and feeding around the country) and sings to himself as if no one is watching and laughing at his being so naïve about cameras and microphones. The obese admin out there who tends to fall asleep during monthly video conferences. The woman named Robin “I can my last name every month cause I get married so much”, who calls me up to ask how to do the most basic functions of her job, walk her through it over the phone and yet still not know how it is done.
3- The senior trade supervisors in California who do will Cc thousands of people, literally thousands so that they might look as though they are a genius by thinking up such a ridiculous question one question of which they should already have known after being in the same business for 20something years.
4- The mid level manager guy in California who didn’t do his job correctly and emailed me with the questions “How could this happen? How do we prevent this from happening again?” who Cc’d his manager and mine as well. Turns out the company would prevent all that from happening again by firing said complete idiot of a manager. Go figure.
5- The people from the outside vendor that is based in California. Who built an entire system backwards. Literally backwards. Instead of one person per group seeing all the people that report to them for email supervision, they built it so that everyone can see only the top persons highly confidential email. The same company who after repeatedly being on conference calls to try and fix said problem, called me up and tried to rip me a new butthole by yelling and cursing, to which I replied you had X, Y, & Z of your employees on the conference calls, and said they would fix it. Their response, “Oh, well, I didn’t realize this.”
6- They are all about putting big water features into a small spaced garden. They also like to put doors that lead to nowhere inside a garden.
7- The guy who sits in the corner office across from my cube, who just walks and looks like the stereotypical white guy that all black people make fun of. It’s pretty hard to actually be THAT guy.

I could go on with this at further length, if I didn’t need to go take a dump. I would also like to acknowledge that there are some very good, kind, and smart individuals that I have come across; but I’d rather not bore myself with them at present moment.