MTV VMA Awards Show

I just caught some of this on MTV, of course, but I;ll have you know that it is on MTV2 as well.

Anyways, The Pussycat Dolls just won for best dance video, and their acceptance speech is a very clear example of what happens when you give an idiot (in this case 5 idiots) a microphone.

Also, they just cheated to Nicole Richie backstage, and she looks like a wetfart that I did back in August of 2002 in that shot.

See all y’all tomorrow.

Dear Mrs. Linda Church,

I wanted to thank you for allowing me to build plenty of trust in you over the past many years. If it were not for this trusted pack in which you inform me of the most accurate weather forecasts that you have access to, and me listening to said weather forecasts, I would have left my place umbrella in hand today.

Instead, based upon 30 seconds of your forecast today I decided to take a gamble, and left my place umbrella less this morning. You so cleverly informed me that you thought the rain would stop this morning and that the rest of the day shouldn’t have any rain. So far you’re right, and for this I applaud you. I hope that your forecast continues to follow your godlike vision for the weather today.

I must admit that when I first left my place this morning I felt kind of foolish walking to the subway without an umbrella since the skies were very dark, and it was ever so slightly misting out. I almost went back for an umbrella, and instead I continued on the two block walk to the subway, all the while thinking “Linda Church said it will clear up, so it must clear.”

Here’s to you Churchie! Here’s to you!

Regards,
Beehive

P.S. I just found out that you are married to the one and only Jim Dolan of WABC-7. Huh??? I will go under the assumption that at the time of this union you did not yet have the godlike life forecasts that you have in your arsenal today, and that you had no idea of what kind of bald man your husband would become. On the other hand he is an enjoyable reporter to watch.

P.P.S I also wonder what the weather was like on that wedding date, and if Chuck Scarborough was there.

I’m at work, and I keep coming across the last name Rammed Ass.

Spelled “R A M D A S S”

I want to meet this man, and hear his say,”Hi, I’m Mr. Rammed Ass, go ahead and laugh at my name. Go on, Go ahead. Are you done yet? No? Okay, Well then continue.”

I’m at work, and I keep coming across the last name Rammed Ass.

Spelled “R A M D A S S”

I want to meet this man, and hear his say,”Hi, I’m Mr. Rammed Ass, go ahead and laugh at my name. Go on, Go ahead. Are you done yet? No? Okay, Well then continue.”

Open Letters To People Who Will Most Likely Never Read This Blog

To The Brenda Who Sits In The Cube Next To Mine,

I know that it’s your name and all, but could you please stop butchering it. It is pronounced Brenda, with an “A” at the end. I know for a fact that it not pronounced “Brender” as you so often like to say.

Also, please note that it is also pronounced “access” not “ascess”.

If I had the gall to tell you these slight differences in speech about two hours ago when you were on the never ending 800 number calls to try and get your “ascess” restored, I’m sure I wouldn’t have felt the need to write this blog, and it most certainly would have prevented me from rolling my eyes every few moments for two hours when you so loudly repeated “This is Brender, and I’m trying to get my ascess restored”.

Note to self, next time say something to nip it in the bud.

*********************

Note To Theresa Who Works On My Floor,

Both KG and I used to work in the cubes next to you, and I hope that you read this in order to find out that the southernmost state in the continental United Sates is pronounced Florida, and not as you seem to think Florider. Get on top of that one, huh?

Btw Theresa, KG informed me of how you always break the unwritten office bathroom rule of sitting in the stall next to the occupied one, and DO NOT USE THE SANITARY GUARD! That is just gross. On top of that KG also informed me that you do you usual moans in the stall as well. I thought that those moans were inappropriate enough when I sat next to you while we were at desks. I definitely do not want to know what you were up to in those stalls. And yes, I laughed very hard and loud upon hearing this of you Theresa.

*********************

Note To My Subconscious Self,

My conscious self awoke to you singing twice in the middle of the night and again when the alarm went off this morning.

You were singing…

I’m so sleepy,
I am sleeping.
I’m so sleepy,
I am sleeping.
(Over and over)

While I find it highly amusing that this was the form in which you kept yourself partially occupied last night, I am saddened that you didn’t fully go through the thought process to having Rob Thomas wanting to grab my ass while I walked down the street after picking something up from my car, while at the same time having me wonder if this was how he seduced Tom Cruise. This too amused me, but please, next time think of some chick, any chick that is not related to me, please.

*******************

Note To Jim, Whose Sits In The Office Near My Cube,

I no longer think that the office affair in which you are having is with Risa, I am now led to believe that it is with Alice.

********************

Note To Alice,

Good for you shagging it up with Jim. He’s a good 15 years you’re younger. Keep up the good work.

Also, please realize that when you are talking about me, and saying “beehivehairdresser hasn’t worked here for some time now.” Realize that someone didn’t just slap the nameplate up on the cube wall, and pretend that they are I, and that I am in fact still that person, and that I can hear everything you say when you are talking in my doorway, especially when you are saying my name in conversation. It just gets my hearing to bring more attention to you.

******************

Note To Risa,

My apologies for thinking you were having an affair with Jim.

******************

Note To The Newly Divorced Blair,

I commend you on finally going through with a divorce from the wife, which you seemed to have wanted for the last 4 years. However, I must inform you that the ring tone on your cell phone, which is some cheesy club song from 1991, is unbecoming to a newly single man such as yourself.

Regards,
Beehivehairdresser