BeehiveHairdresser.com

Open Letters To People That Will Most Likely Never Read Them

To The Woman Wearing The Ugly Green Skirt

I must start by letting you know that my shoulder is not a good place for you to park your butt. I realize that the D train was crowded yesterday during the rush home, that I was sitting in the seat closest to the door, and that you were standing in the doorway. I do not recall when I must have given you the okay to use my shoulder as a seat. See, I was resting my eyes when you put your butt and ugly green skirt on my shoulder.

It kind of took me by surprise, and lucky for you that I did not give you a hard elbow to remove your butt and ugly skirt assault on my shoulder. The only thing I did was sit more upright, which apparently pissed you off. See the thing is that I did not know that I should have informed you first that I wanted to sit more upright, let alone sit without your butt on me, or have that ugly green skirt touching me.

My bad.
-Beehive

———-

To The Guy Who Had On A Fresh Coat Of Just For Men This Morning,

You seriously looked very creepy. Seriously, you did. You cannot blame your looks this morning on the dull subway lighting. I’m sure that you walked into your job this morning all bright eyed and smiling that all your grays are finally covered up, and that you got confused from all the wide eyed stares all of your coworkers gave you from the beams of “light sandy blonde” hair you now have. The Just for Mean box comes with directions, just like soap, only unlike soap, which does not need directions for proper use, Just for Men does. If you read and follow those directions before your next application, I’m sure you just might come out from under that towel not looking like you are wearing a dozen hamster skin furs on your head like you did this morning. This hamster skin fur is not a becoming look on many people, especially you sir.

Regards,
A Concerned Citizen

———-

To The Guy Who Sat Next To Me On The R Train This Morning,

There were two open seats to my left. I know there was to because I know how to count, which leads me to my point of, which is that you did not have to sit directly next to me when you clearly could have sat two seat over. If you sat in that far left seat we both would have had room, and I most likely would not have been able to smell your gross body odor.

I highly suspect that you were able to smell my good scent through your bad smelling B.O. due to the fact that your nose was used to your awful smells. You took in my delicious April Fresh Downy scent, unscented soap cleaned skin, and Dove Deodorant scents. You may have thought that simply smelling clean the scent of another human being would somehow make you clean or make you smell better. Let me assure you that this technique does not work. Actual bathes, and or showers are necessary to get the clean scent that all who passes through your B.O. so desperately with you had done.

One last thing, a shower and or bath does not carry over from the day before, or in your case, a couple of Thursdays ago.

Regards,
Beehive