BeehiveHairdresser.com

My New Work Neighborhood Has Found Me Out!!!

A few minutes ago my manager walked past my desk and said, “Beehive, you stink!”

“What do you mean KG?”

“Wanda thinks you smell.”

“She does?”

“Yeah, she thinks we all smell.”

”That’s not nice Wanda.”

“Beehive, go check out her desk.”

“What’s going on with your desk Wanda?’

She pointed to the scented candle that she had opened up, and place conveniently on her workspace.

“I smell things.”

“Oh.”

I quietly made my exit and returned to my cube.

While I am guilty as charged, it’s not my fault.

I have a really quick metabolism that makes my body usually produce at least two bowel movements a day. So there is always something a brewing back there, and I am not a fan of drugs, even over the counter ones.

I would much rather stink up the place than always have my liver and kidneys working in overdrive due to the chemicals of Gas X or Beano.

For those of you who might find my bowel movements abnormal I will have you know that according to the State of NJ I do have healthy bowel movements, and if any state would know about bowel movements, it would be NJ.

I Am A Pig On Tuesdays!

Welcome to I Am A Pig On Tuesdays.

This week follow us to our babe of the week, Betty Crocker…sweet supple Betty Crocker…

Quite a many man has had the luxury of eating some of Betty Crocker’s fine cooking. Many of us will attest that she is the hottest homemaker to have ever walked the face of the Earth. She has countless food recipes, all which are tasty, which leads me, the average man to assume that Betty Crocker also has a large array of sexual positions and scenarios that no man could ever tire from.

Ooooohhhhhh baby!!!!!!

Betty Crocker you my dear, know that the way to a mans heart is through his stomach, which as we all know eventually leads to a mans pants.

I’m sure the question you all want to know is this, “How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?”

If you take our little question as a euphemism for Betty Crocker’s extra special tootsie pop, I will let you all know that a good steady constant lick at 98.6 degrees F in a counterclockwise direction for eight minutes will allow you to get to that delicious center.

Mrs. Crocker, bake me a cake, watch me eat it and mentally undress me with your eyes, then allow me to have you as I will…I dare you.

Just how hot is Betty Crocker on the HUSS scale?

HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HU.

She’s a rockin’ six and a half out of seven on the HUSS scale!

-Beehive

Week In Preview….

Leif Garrett will be falling off the wagon, sometime around Thursday. This will come as a huge shock to his last one fan, which has reportedly lived in the middle of the woods being raised by wolves since the 1970s.

Due to a time warp, the Pilgrims will once again land on Plymouth Rock. Only upon first sight they will instead name the land, Red Freckle Hook.

There will be a bevy of new bus routes made to the Manhattan streets, many of which will run in either a complete circle, or a figure eight – all depending on just how out of the closet each city planner is.

The Thong Song will once again gain it’s number one status on Z100, and one lucky young lady will be the lucky 100th caller and win a CD six pack.

A certain someone will wake up one morning full of cotton mouth, go to the kitchen for a glass of water, then realize that they are in the wrong house, again. They will then wish that they had never left the studio the night before; for they bet that they could have laid the tracks down to that number one hit after all.

An evening commuter will reek havoc on a crowded downtown E train during an evening commute. This brouhaha will be caused by the bad choice of a lunchtime meal of Buffalo Wings. This commuter will have wished that they had stayed in the office late, this way they could have cut the beef in their bosses chair - instead of the pregnant woman’s face who happened to be sitting next to their butt.

The Beehive Hairdresser will finally decide if he wants to write a blog about the time he squirted diarrhea and vomited at the same time all over the floor from both ends in this guys bathroom.