I Am A Pig On Tuesdays!

Welcome to I Am A Pig On Tuesdays.

This week follow us on the road to Mrs. Ingalls…sweet sweet Mrs. Ingalls.

Many of us first met Mrs. Ingalls back in Little House On The Prairie. Sure, lots of us have grown up watching this tender mother become an even more tender mother, despite living as if she was in the 19th century during most of her adult life which actually happened in the 20th century. Somehow during all this, Mrs. Ingalls got up each morning just to give the average passerby a woody. She was a miracle, always able to keep herself strong and sexy. We never saw her without a smile on her face that wouldn’t make us want to bone her.

Mmmm… Mmm… Mmmmmmmm

Mrs. Ingalls, while I realize that you are a married woman and a mother as well, I just wanted to let you know that you are currently, have always been, a MILF. You have the heir of an exquisite old fashioned girl, and I’m sure that under it all you are just wild wildebeest of lustful passion, waiting to be released.

If I had the power to I would officially name you to be the one and only National All American MILF.

I’m sure the question you all want to know is this, “Why hasn’t Mrs. Ingalls ever posed for a smutty older woman who lives as if she is in the 19th century magizine yet?”

The answer to that question is I’m working on it. Each night before I go to bed, I get on my knees and pray to God to give Mrs. Ingalls the strength to realize that photography was indeed around in the time during which she enjoys pretending her life is happening in, and that she will one day pose, if not for the sheer principle that we all want to see her naked behind.

Yes we do. Don’t none of you deny it out there.

Just how hot is Mrs. Ingalls of the HUSS scale?

HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS.

She’s an outstanding six out of seven on the HUSS scale!

-Beehive

For You, My Loyal Readers…

This is what I look like while sleeping on the Cheese’s couch, along with her cat, Igby. I did not pose for this what so ever, and didn’t even know that it was taken until I awoke. I wish they made a subway car specifically for me to ride in whenever I ride the subway, a car that had this couch, and a cat similiar to Igby to keep me company. I would sleep like the dickens.

Yesterday I Went To The Movies, And Saw “The Departed”

I don’t want to spoil any of the plots for anyone out there that has yet to see this fine film.

With that in mind here are my thoughts on this film, it was good, then great, then good, then great, then good, then great, was good, then great, then good, then great, then good, then great.

Oh, and somewhere in there I saw a protruding female nipple.

I’m A Teenager???

Last night I met the cheese outside of an art gallery in Chelsea. When she arrived we hugged and kissed hello. While we were smooching I could hear two kids in the background commenting on our kissing. They were a boy and a girl about the ages of 7 and 10. I kept hearing things along these lines:

“Ewwww….”
“Gross….”
“I can’t believe they’re doing that!”
“They’re kissing!”
“Disgusting.”

I was being amused by these comments, especially since as a little kid I used to do the very same thing. Then I heard this:

“I can’t believe those teenagers are making out!”

They thought we were teenagers? I had to process their words and try and decipher sarcasm. Nope, no sarcasm. I know I look young, but a teenagers???? Ms. Cheese certainly didn’t mind being confused with being that of a teenager.

Thanks kiddies.

Then I went to the opening, saw some good photos of monkeys, then really bad paintings that were ridiculously overpriced, some saw really good art that would easily fit into the first floor of MoMa – I really like the first floor of the new MoMa.

Then I went to the monkey party. That’s right, a monkey party, and yes there was in fact a real live monkey there. It was way fun.

Pic(s) to follow, hopefully.

I thought that I might be able to figure out a photoshop type program in very little time and make the monkey more easy to see in these pics, and can’t for the life of me figure it all out in three minutes.

If there are any gurus out there, go for it, fix it up, post it up in comments or email them to me.

All three shots were taken by the cheese on the cheese’s cell phone.

fyi, It looks gross white in the background due to the monkey’s best interest. It had much better ambience in person.

Where Do I Know You From?

I just walked out of a coworkers office, and the woman who has the cube right outside the office door was walking out of her cube at the same time, lets call her Julie. Mind you, I’ve worked on the same floor for three years, in various positions, with one eight month gap until this past July. This was the conversation.

Beehive: Hi.
Julie: Hi.

Julie has a confused look on her face.

Julie: I know you from somewhere.
Beehive: Yes you do.
Julie: How do I know you?
Beehive: From working on this floor.
Julie: Huh?
Beehive: Yes, this floor.
Julie: Oh, that’s right you used to work for fill in vendor name
Beehive: Nope.
Julie: Where do I really know you from?
Beehive: I used to work for fill in managers name here.
Julie: Ohhhhh! Don’t I know you from somewhere else?
Beehive: Nope, just this floor.
Julie: What are you doing back?
Beehive: Working.
Julie: Why?
Beehive: I need money and want to work in a place at least half civilized.
Julie: Ohhhhh…

I left her with a look on her face as if her brain is still hurting from all of this. Who knows maybe she really has seen me somewhere else. Like this blog…or as a dancing church lady, or as scuba boy, or from a handful of underground cable access television shows, or maybe was in an audience at some show I’ve done.

Gulp!

It could have been worse; she could have called me Josh, Justin, or Kevin.