The transvestite that is the superintendent of the apartment building up the block from me will write a letter addressed to all tenants, and then proceed at length to describe how normal people should place garbage in garbage cans, plus he will go on to write about how normal people don’t leave wet footprints throughout the staircases of the building, despite the fact of it raining outside.

I swear to God he will.

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My migraine headache will subside, and or go away completely. It hurts pretty bad right now, however, by the end of the week the headache will be long gone.

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My beautiful new nearly wall-to-wall TV stand/unit that makes my living room almost look as though an actual grown up lives in my place will be completely and thoroughly explored by my cat. She will have knocked items over that she shouldn’t have, and she will run away into my bedroom after the crashes and falls of said items.

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My right eye and lips will hopefully be fully relinquished from the terror that has besieged it last week in the form of clementine allergies. My skin in general will be moist again, not overly, just not desert dry as it currently is despite the moisturizer that I have been putting on it along with the award winning amount of water that I have been consuming.

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James Blunt will be forced to cancel a tour date after coming down with a hideous case of violent diarrhea. Afterwards he will be quoted as saying, “If only my music was this good.” No worries, since only three fans will be saddened by the cancellation of the particular tour date.