Never teach young children aged 6, 4, & 2 how to use the TiVo remote control. They will only make sure that each and every person in the house has watched all of their favorite commercials.

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Never again agree to spend the night at the sisters house when my Mother and Grandmother is there too. While the pull out sofa bed is adequate, the many hours leading up to the ability to have some peace of mind are not.

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Never ever allow my 86 year old Grandmother to have the remote control in her hands when Deal Or No Deal is on the TV. She will not allow anyone to dissuade her from enjoying that TV show. If you want to attempt walk in the general vicinity of the living room, you will hear and see her shouting out and jumping on the couch in the same fashion as my other now deceased Grandmother watched Pro Wrestling.

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Offering to pour the wine allows you to pour larger than normal glasses for people, thereby getting the over 50 population of the family gathering tipsy, quickly.

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My four year old nephew stuck his finger in the Turkey’s butt when nobody was looking.

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No matter how hard you try to find a way, it is just impossible to have all three nephews sit next to me at the same time while eating. It’s just IMPOSSIBLE!