I want to go up to the hottest woman I see and tell her that her shit stinks.

I am not feeling well. My eyes are still swollen and itchy. My lips are dry and itchy. Why? Cause my body is a douche bag and is allergic to clementine.

Google is no help with this allergy. I was hoping for magical rub butter on your eyes sort of remedy to help me out.

My coworkers tell me that my eyes appear to be looking worse than this morning.

Despite the fact that I haven’t had a clementine in over 24 hours I am showing all these signs of the clementine allergen, I just want to eat another, and I know that I can’t.

Fresh fruit sucks ass. I’m giving up fresh fruit and vegetables from all this.

UPDATE!!!

I woke up today (Friday) with my right eye looking as though I was beaten with fists. The swelling has gone done dramatically since that first look in the mirror. I’ll see if I can get someone to take a pic or two at work and post it up.

To My Deliciously Sexy Wonderfully Beautiful Body,

What’s up with your skin? You’ve been a real douche bag to me for the past two plus years, make that all my life, you douche bag. How dare you allow me to suffer from chicken pox twice and once from the measles as a child?!?!

Ever since I went and put that skull tattoo on my knee you have treated me like a second class citizen hoping that I will die a quick death. You think I’m paranoid, huh? Don’t you.

Well let me tell you this, My Deliciously Sexy Wonderfully Beautiful Body, I’m onto you. I’m onto your games. I’m onto the fact that you have made me allergic to three things in the past two years, those being tattoo ink, clementines, and spirit gum. I’m onto the fact that every time I get a rash you up the anti with an infection to boot. I’m onto the fact that you never gave me a full and proper amount of melatonin in my skin to ward off the harsh sunrays.

I’m onto you!

Regards,
The Highly Hypercritically Aware Beehive Hairdresser

****************************************************

To The Executives At VH1,

Please bring back Pop-Up Video. It was a great show that did not gets its justice. I write this today on behalf of all mankind, we ask that you please bring back Pop-Up Video. We all want to pop into Pop-Up Video. If MTV can bring back Celebrity Death Match you should be able to bring back the great Pop-Up Video.

We the public wants to watch the Bones video along with many others with little pops of knowledge infiltrating our television screens.

I stand here before you, begging with my soul that you give us what we want and allow us all to once and for all pop into Pop-Up Video.

Regards,
A Fan That Misses Pop-Up Video.

****************************************************

To Those Two Left Over Slices Of Carvel Ice Cream Cake,

You are so tasty. I know that for a fact despite I have not yet eaten either pieces of you two. I know this taste fact to be true of you due to that fact that I grew up eating Carvel ice cream cakes. I am salivating at the thought of eating your frosty cold bits of yummyness.

A word of warning for the both of you, your days are numbered, and one of those numbers is coming up today. You will both end up going into my tummy, however, do not expect to stay there. I will continue to do my steps, and crunches so that you cannot find a permanent home on my tummy.

You have been warned.

Regards,
Cookie Puss

You already knew that already, I just felt like reminding you, plus I have a new reason to be called an idiot. I am absolutely an idiot for fooling myself into believing that I am not allergic to the innocent fruit called a clementine.

I allowed myself to believe that last year I just overdid my in taking of this delicious fruit, this year, after eating less than a handful of these small citrus fruits spread out over a few days, I have broken out in what appears to be red hives all over and around my eyelids.

On top of the small red hives, my eyelids, nose, chin line, and scalp line are itchy as can be. I once again feel like Chris Rock’s “Pookie” character in New Jack City, scratching at my body as if there are bugs and whatnot crawling on my skin.

I took anti-histamine this morning. It was from an expired pack that I had in my medicine cabinet. It was originally intended to be a 24-hour pill, instead the relief effects of the pill only lasted 4 hours.

I guess that I will just go about my day scratching my skin like Pookie.

At least I know for sure that I can honestly say that I am allergic to two things in this world, tattoo ink, and clementines.

I am an idiot.

Anyone else find the cover story of CNN.com to be a little sexually oriented, despite that it is a story about the desire for one airliner to buy out another?

Just take a look…

US Airways wants Delta
US Airways is making an apparently hostile $8 billion offer for Delta Air Lines after Delta emerges from bankruptcy protection. US Airways says a merger would offer passengers more cities at lower fares but some of the major hubs could lose that status. Delta has continually said it intends to remain independent as it seeks to reorganize.