It is with extreme sad sorrow that I have the burden of informing all of you that 2006 has days to live. 2006 came down with a very bad cold late last week, the cold developed into pneumonia, and 2006 isn’t expected to make it through the weekend.

I realize that this will be tough on all of us, just remember that 2006 would like for all of us to remember the good times, and laugh about them.

I know I myself will without a doubt remember some of my favorite memories that I spent with 2006 like the Ron Mueck exhibit at the Brooklyn Museum. My many strolls through the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens with the Cheese while falling for one another. The many brunches at Dizzy’s. Watching TV with my Grandma. The wonderful summertime blooms of my front garden. Discovering the fun times of blogging at work, and I will forever remember that wonderful hot summer.

2006, Fred Flintstone is the smartest person that I have ever known and he said it best. He said, “Wilmaaaaa!!!” In regards to the words “you’ll go down in history”.

With that, 2006, from all of us over in the land of Beehive Hairdressing I say to you, WILMAAAAAAAA!

The other day I went ahead, splurged, made the biggest purchase that I have ever made, and ordered this:

It’s a Bowflex Revolution, and in a one to two weeks it shall arrive at my place in eight boxes. Then six weeks after that I will be able to truthfully state that I have a Bowflex body. Yes, I will be that obnoxious and I honestly tell everyone that I have a Bowflex body.

I can’t wait.

I kind of want to pay it off by starting up my own pay per minute porn site featuring videos of myself.

To My Tummy,

The love hate relationship that we’ve had over our lifespan should just stop. Can’t we just put all those times that I filled you up with booze and ice cream, or the times that you allowed virus’ inside you to be behind us? Seriously. I want to make peace with you, with one condition. That being, do not ever allow another virus into my tummy like the one we had in there yesterday.

Thanks,
B.H.

P.S. Thank to that virus, it now looks as though I’ve been doing my crunches nonstop this week.

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To One Of My Field Reps,

You emailed me on Thursday 12/21at 6:01PM saying that you needed help with something that expires on 12/31/06, which requires that you do 20 hours of training, AND that you are going to Cabo, Mexico 12/22 through 12/29, AND that you would like me to help you out with getting it all done.

Good luck with that.

Thank you for waiting until the very last minute and then trying pawn the blame of your complete lack of responsibility off on me.

Situations like this make my workday worthwhile. Really, they do. Especially when you begin to Cc the entire world from Cabo, of your plight to get me to do the things that you should have taken care of yourself weeks ago, I thoroughly enjoy watching people like yourself drag themselves down like that.

Best of luck come January 1, in attempting to make money off of commissions when you can no longer legally do so.

Signed,
The Man Who Is Not A Salesman, But A Professional

Welcome to the final installment of I Am A Pig On Tuesdays. This week follow along side as I discuss our favorite hottie, the person who comes up lucky number 7 on a google image search of Ms. Menopause.

Isn’t she breathtaking?!?!?

I know, I know. Calm down boys. I know that you are all finding my Ms. Menopause google search woman to be by far the sexiest, most refined, and by far the most exquisite Babe of the Week thus far.

Just remember, as the saying goes, save the best for last. Which is why Bettie White is looking finer and finer with each passing day, if you know what I mean.

Wink wink, nudge nudge… hehe. God she’s a total hottie.

If it’s possible, and that’s a big if. If anyone out there is capable of giving me the belated Xmas gift of a threeway involving the sexier than sex Ms. Betty White, and the hotter than the hottest hot flash Ms. Menopause I assure you that I will name my first born after you as a show of my thanks to you.

Let get to a judging…How hot is Ms. Menopause on the HUSS Scale???

HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS

She is a perfect seven out of seven on the HUSS Scale.

You might not know this, but I do have another blog, and believe it or not, people have been requesting that I update it. So, if you are interested in this other blog I must warn you that I tend to tell stories involving poop and things of that nature. Still interested? Good!

Follow this link to read about how I pooped and barfed all over this guys bathroom floor.