To My Tummy,

The love hate relationship that we’ve had over our lifespan should just stop. Can’t we just put all those times that I filled you up with booze and ice cream, or the times that you allowed virus’ inside you to be behind us? Seriously. I want to make peace with you, with one condition. That being, do not ever allow another virus into my tummy like the one we had in there yesterday.

Thanks,
B.H.

P.S. Thank to that virus, it now looks as though I’ve been doing my crunches nonstop this week.

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To One Of My Field Reps,

You emailed me on Thursday 12/21at 6:01PM saying that you needed help with something that expires on 12/31/06, which requires that you do 20 hours of training, AND that you are going to Cabo, Mexico 12/22 through 12/29, AND that you would like me to help you out with getting it all done.

Good luck with that.

Thank you for waiting until the very last minute and then trying pawn the blame of your complete lack of responsibility off on me.

Situations like this make my workday worthwhile. Really, they do. Especially when you begin to Cc the entire world from Cabo, of your plight to get me to do the things that you should have taken care of yourself weeks ago, I thoroughly enjoy watching people like yourself drag themselves down like that.

Best of luck come January 1, in attempting to make money off of commissions when you can no longer legally do so.

Signed,
The Man Who Is Not A Salesman, But A Professional