Yesterday I went to a Nutritionist to verify that I am eating healthy in a way to gain muscle mass. It was also the only time in my life when I wished that I had an eating disorder, because without an official eating disorder my health insurance isn’t paying for my visit to a nutritionist. Apparently they would rather pay for the medical bills of people who never knew that there was a healthier way of eating, when their liver or kidney shuts down - they’d rather pay tens of thousands of dollars to allow the person to suffer miserably.

So now I’m officially out $125.00 - OUCH!

Did they think that I only went to see a Nutritionist so that I could make a new friend in the form of someone with a Masters of Nutrition while whoring her out to Cigna’s health insurance plan coverage?

This would have been partly true in my case, because when the Nutritionist was walking me through the hallway to her office I noticed that she hadn’t zipped up the back of her skirt fully, and her butt crack was being flaunted with each step that she took.

Having just met her, I didn’t dare say anything along the sarcastic lines of “Nice ass.” “So that’s what yours looks like!” Or “You sure keep yourself clean back there!” Instead I just peeked, and stayed quiet about the whole thing, cause that’s what new friends are for, while wondering if she had just been fooling around with someone in her office when I rang her buzzer.

Before I went, I had to keep a food journal of what I had been eating for about a week, and all of that anal retentive work and patience on my part gave the Nutritionist the thoughts of “You’ve been eating really good for the most part already. You should try eating some nuts as a mid morning snack instead of a Power Bar. Also, try and squeeze in some more fruit, vegetables, and an extra slice of bread.”

I walked away slightly disappointed, and I think that this was due to my hoping that she would have informed me of some secret food group that I had never heard of, a food group that only the chosen people can find out about, one that was delicious, low cost, and easy to make, but alas, none of that happened – apparently I am not one of the chosen ones, but at least I got to see part of her behind…