There’s a temp that works on my corner of the floor who I will call Masarati because her real name is just as long and stupid and because I refer to her as Masarati anyways.
I figured Masarati for dead, never to be seen again, because she had been out of vacation way longer than anyone thought she’d be, when today out of the blue, she came back to work. Her vacation to some unknown part of the world is over, and just like Columbus, she has brought back with her disease.
For those readers who aren’t familiar with me I have a slight case of germaphia.
I’m guessing she has TB, or possibly whooping cough. I didn’t even know that people could still get either of those nasty sicknesses this day in age, but it’s obvious to me that she has somehow found both in the farthest corners of the Earth from which she grew up in, and recently visited.
Presently I am in the middle of a nasal cold in its own right. Knowing that I would be coughing, sneezing, and blowing my nose all day long I am taking Robitussin every four hours. This is the only way that could conceive of getting paid to do not much all day, and not drive everyone that I come into contact with up the walls from my germs and symptoms.
Masarati on the other hand chose no precautions in her return to work. She just said fuck it, I’m sick, I will spread my germs, and skeeve everyone within earshot out with my coughing.
Every three to five minutes she has a coughing fit. She’s should be a roadside attraction due to her timing capabilities in relation to coughing. Her coughs aren’t full coughs; just a soft breathed wheezing, mixed in with bouts of flemy/mucus gushing in and out of her air passageway. I think that my face is officially stuck on a look of grossout.
Whatever it is that Masarati has, it cannot be good for anyone that has lived his or her entire life west of Afghanistan.
UPDATE!!!
It’s 2:50PM and my head now hurts from having to listen to the day long barrage of coughing fits. Part of me wants to just go over there and tell her to shit or get off the pot, which in this case would translate to either cough up that loogie, drop dead from illness, or quit your damn coughing.
UPDATE 02/27 12:12PM
Masarati is still coughing up a storm, and yesterday I had a coworker stop by that didn’t believe me on how much she was coughing. In less than four minutes we heard seven or eight hacking fits, which left us in tears of quiet laughter.
UPDATE!!! 02/28 10:03AM
If Masarati would have taken one step for each coughing fit that she has had this week, she would have made it to Milwaukee by now.
UPDATE 03/01 04:03PM
If Masarati were a flat tire I would have thrown her into the ocean already. While it isn’t in my nature to pollute, I wouldn’t mind seeing her sink to the bottom of the ocean because she still will not stop her incessant coughing fits…
I think I mentioned that I was dreadfully sick about a week ago when it snowed, and idiot boy that I am still went to the slayer concert. I figured to live like the vikings and toughen up. I dosed up on aspirin, vitamin C, cough drops and liquids and vowed to go to the show, shoot pics and not drink. Also to sit idle as Slayer crushed the masses skulls around me. Well, for the most part it worked but I went home and found a 102.5 fever present and while it dissipated much over the next two days I had a cough from Hell haunting me. Still I dont think I am as bad as your co-worker since I was able to work from home for a few days.
Dude, I think she coughed up a slice of salmonella just now…