In what will be regarded as way too much info on my part by most everyone who reads this, here it goes, I ate half of my breakfast while sitting on the crapper this morning.
No, I didn’t just do it just for the shock value; I actually do it most mornings during the workweek. Call me a sicko, a creepy food eater, pathetic, whatever, you don’t have to try and fit in two hours worth of neurotic behaviors into only one hour before you head out to work each morning like I do.
I remember nearly ten years ago laughing to the point of tears at a coworker being made fun of - because the coworker was a loveable porker, it was suggested that he eats his meals on the toilet – why cut out the middle man.
The thought of eating food of any type on the toilet disgusted me for years, that is, until I was forced into the situation one day.
About a year ago I had just cooked up some of my delicious scrambled eggs, had some warm toast, and freshly cooked bacon…mmm bacon. Anyways, when all of this stuff is warm they are great, and when they are cold I might as well eat a piece of linen, because I’m sure they would taste about the same. Since I was running low on time, I couldn’t let my food go cold, AND be late, so I ended up improvising.
It was an honest thought of I just have to do it this one time, then sat on the toilet with a plate of food on my lap, placed my glass of milk on the vanity next to me, and took care of business.
Since I’m a creature of habit, this has become part of my normal routine because I am always low on time in the mornings, and I don’t find it to be odd whatsoever anymore, while understanding that others might find it so, and not very appealing.
See, once you get over the shock of eating on a toilet, while going to the bathroom, it becomes very natural, and in time you learn how to position your body to ensure that there is never a chance of splash back that is capable of landing in or on your food or drink.
Now go out and try it yourselves, kids!
Very Truly Yours,
Uncle Beehive
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Oh NO he didn’t…
I’ve always believed in a hundred foot no-food buffer zone that exists between the hall and the bathroom, until recently when I had a dream of a female body builder cradling me in her arms while I showered and she feed me tacos. The dream wasn’t erotic, but still very pleasant. If I can work out the logistics of keeping the taco dry I may try it.
Done indeed, Cheese.
DF, that is one crazy dream, let us know when so we could ensure that there are pics of this female body builder, taco in hand.
What about when you go out for brunch with other people?
When I’m out to brunch with others, I have them cup their hands for my usage.
He really does. It’s quite a sight.
You can catch him in the act every Sunday around 9am at Dizzys if you don’t believe me
I don’t think that’s something I want to see but my morbid curiosity might get the better of me.