BeehiveHairdresser.com

There are times in life when one comes across people that are outwardly mobile socially awkward conversationalists.  When you speak with one for a first time, you will make the mental note for future reference to spot that person from a mile away, and then attempt to avoid that person at all costs for the rest of your life.

On Friday evening I was at the Orchid Show plant sale area in Rockefeller Plaza, lingering about with the Cheese.  We had been chatting privately amongst ourselves, having our usual great laughing time, when we walked upon the “Asian Long Horn Beetle” public awareness table.

The awareness table was all by itself, not a sole had cared to stop and look at all the information about the bug that could easily destroy much of the North American tree population within a relatively short amount of time, but Cheese and I stopped.

I had wanted to verify from pictures that a bug that I saw two years ago in Long Island City was indeed that little no good lousy beetle.  As the Cheese and I goofed off while I recanted my story of “I was walking, then I saw the bug fly at eye level right past me, and into a glass door.”

Out of nowhere some type of Park Service Officer swarmed us, yes, there was only one of him, but his mouth, along with his nonstop eye contact (he was able to keep eye contact with the both of us at the same time), and his nonstop verbal interest in what I had just told the Cheese made us feel as though we were backed into a corner.

This guy was all about Asian Longhorned Beetles, and asked more about my sighting of one.  He then went on further to pick up a tree branch that was riddled with beetle holes, and thoroughly explained the process of how the beetle lays its eggs, and then the treatment on how to eradicate the beetle infestation.

I did my best to not giggle as he went on his longwinded conversation that I was barely able to keep up with.  I felt as though I was up against an Agassi serve, with me barely touching my racket to it, allowing Agassi to hit more serves harder and harder at me.

Normally I would nudge the Cheese for help, she’s usually much better than I am at keeping up face during weird conversations than I am, but this guy had her in a loop.  She was doe eyed, and appeared to be full of liquid thorozine.

There was only one way out of this conversation, and it was for the guy to talk himself out of all pertinent information, and then get a compliment.

This is exactly what I chose to do.  I had no idea how long he would go on for, and as I worried that the Cheese would just slip away into a coma of bore, I was stuck in this 90/10 conversation.

Then, I heard the guy say, “And that’s how we prevent further infestation.”

To which I replied, “Thank you, keep up the good work.”

Having felt his presence was justified in the world the weird Park Service Officer informed me to take as much literature on the subject as I wished, and then made his Batman style exit – in a pouf, he was gone as fast as he had arrived.

Cheese and I walked away, and I said, “Oh thank God, I thought that guy would never stop talking!”

We later spotted Park Service Officer lying in wait on the far end of the sales tables, and when he spotted someone near his info booth, he lunged like a tiger on a zebra and killed that proverbial elderly zebra with his ramblings about the infestation.

It was a great situation to watch, and awful one to be in.

Then this morning, one of the outwardly mobile socially awkward conversationalists of my floor walked passed my cube, only a mere second before I got up to get a cup of water.  She turned around, smiled, said “Hello Beehive…” In the most frightening of manners, which got me all flustered in the sense that I thought that I was going to be trapped in her presence, and all that I could say back was “Heeeey, Robe.”  As in, “Hold on a sec, she answered the door at 4AM in nothing but her robe?  That’s hot!”

Yes, yes I did call her Robe, but she overpowered my brain with confusion, thankfully my calling her “Robe” appeared to confuse her as well, as she just quietly turned her head around and kept walking.