Everything Is Wrong In The World Blossom Festival is what it should have been called.

 

Cheese and I went over to our beloved Brooklyn Botanical Gardens (BBG) yesterday for their annual Cherry Blossom Festival, and to sum it up, ICK!

 

Once inside it the BBG it was clear that our little island of peace and serenity inside of Brooklyn that we go to on a regular basis and are even members of, had somehow morphed into a bizzaro world consisting of all the things wrong with the world.  Since I’m a Cancer sign, and I’m a cranky person at times, I have a long list of complaints about it.  Here they are:

 

  • Too crowded.  The usually barren and or only mildly populated BBG was swamped with people; I’m talking Central Park on a summer day crowd.  The types that walk all over each path without the understanding that other people want to walk on a path too.  The types that make you want to just move away to the country and never look back.
  • Way too many kids.  It was as though all of Park Slope had emptied out yesterday to see this festival.  There were thousands of little kids running around screaming, crying, and generally being the kind of kids that make me never want to have kids.  I’m sure a leisurely walk down 7th Avenue in the Slope would have been a better idea for yesterday.
  • There was a huge white tent set up for the entire length of the cherry field.  This tent took away from the beauty of the tree blossoms that were happening, and only gave the thousands of people on the field (that can usually only handle a couple of hundred people) justice for their existence in being there.  I was hoping to hear someone ask “Can you take a picture of me with this cherry tree, and can you make sure to get the tent too?”
  • Asian people were living up to their stereotypes.  Everywhere I turned there was another group of Asian people, each with a camera in their hands taking pictures of everything in sight.  If you want to take a picture, cool, go for it, but when your “hobby” consists of photographing each pebble that you’ve walked on for posterity, you need to get help.  Put down that camera of yours, take a deep breathe, and just live in the moment – let the plants be engrained n your memory, by seeing them with your eyes, and nose - just live.
  • Every entrance to the park was open.  Usually only three entrances are open to the public for access, yesterday all of the small side entrances were open, with long lines at each of them.  Here’s a secret for all of you waiting on those lines: THE CHERRIES WILL BE IN BLOOM FOR WEEKS!!! & IF YOU WANT TO HEAR DRUMS GO TO SEE A CONCERT!*  Congrats!  You people just wasted a little bit more of your lives yesterday, and in the process gave me so much grief that I need to write it all down to get it all out of me.
  • “Master Gardeners” were out in force.  This is a real title that some people love to gloat about with, and in the NYC area most of the people that go around gloating this title tend to be the elderly ladies.  OMG, can’t you just walk and talk?  There are tens of thousands of different species of plants in the garden, you don’t need to point out each and every one, butcher the Latin name for it, and then fix your sun visor.  If you really must do such things, go there on a Tuesday - it’s not like you had a job Monday through Friday and you’re trying to relax from on one of your downtime days.
  • Too much automobile noise was audible in the garden.  Normally you might hear one or two cars or trucks zipping by on the outside of the garden.  Yesterday it was nonstop car horns blowing.  Did you honestly believe that you were the only one that was going to drive?  Did you think that there was honestly going to be a spot for you within three blocks of the BBG?  All of these misconceptions only led to dozens of car horns being honked out of frustration.  Next time just take your “Precious Little Stevie” and bring him in on the subway.  It’s 2007, and it’s pretty darn quick, and safe.
  • People were breaking garden rules left and right.  I’m a stickler for rules, and I apparently love to complain (obviously).  I think in part it is the German heritage that I have, having been very close to my off the boat (yes, they came on boats) grandparents growing up.  I’m all about rules, and can’t stand it when people are breaking them.  People were climbing trees, taking down ropes to get into areas that they shouldn’t be in, and tormenting me in the process.  When a “security” guy would pass the people doing illegal things, they would miraculously find something incredibly interesting in the clouds.  I’d like to just get over this, but when someone is 40 feet up in a hallowed out tree that has a crutch holding it up, it’s quite annoying, and unsafe to everyone underneath the tree. 
  • The three ducks were completely stressed out.  Usually you’ll find them relaxing on the side of the water pools near the conservatory, but yesterday they couldn’t deal with the kids, and the people “lookin’ for the fried dough stands” so they were forced to keep swimming in the center of each pool. 
  • The volunteers assumed that you want the info that they were giving out.  They were worse than people handing out flyers in Midtown.  Here’s hint number two for you: I don’t care much about the Far East’s Painted Lady Face Dances.
  • The coy pond in the Japanese Garden was four and five people thick.  In order to get a glimpse of the coy, you’d have to wait roughly ten minutes for a half decent spot to open up, and then have to deal with little kids and their parents asking, “Can my child look?”  All of you people really need to get out to the aquarium to look at fish, get the whole “WOW A REAL LIVE FISH” thought out of your brain, and then go back to the Japanese Garden some other day, and just relax.

By the time Cheese and I reached the Japanese Garden, we were done.  Way too many people walking everywhere, with too much noise all around us, we had to go.  I napped on her couch, and then it was off to my backyard for some actual relaxing.

 

I’m now done complaining for the day – I hope. 

 *As I was writing this, I went to go taste a sip of my water, and as I brought the cup to my mouth I sort of swung it there, and now the entire left side of my shirt is drenched…ugh…