I’ve found the most disgusting human being alive!

She rides the R train in the mornings a little before 8AM during the week, probably on her way to think up more ways to be disgusting her job as a nurse of some sort.

I know less than zero about this woman, but from what I’ve seen on the surface, she is most likely the dirtiest human being alive right now, and she does it on purpose!

See, while she might appear to be clean and “normal” in passing, if you were to look closer you would see that there is something odd about her face.  Besides the fact that she’s missing half of one eyebrow, her face has a little extra shine, and some extra speckles and globs of dirt on it if you will.  

If you were to see her on the R train you would know why.  It’s because she puts Vaseline all over her face each morning!  No, not moisturizing lotion, but Vaseline petroleum jelly, that type of Vaseline.   

If you’re not familiar with what Vaseline does to anything that its on, then the one thing that you will need to know is that any and all types of dirt that touches Vaseline gets stuck to Vaseline. 

Back in the third grade my class did a science experiment to see just how dirty the air is when it comes to pollution.  We took four empty mayonaise jars, globbed them up all over with Vaseline and then shoved them up our teachers ass (no you perv) placed the jars all over the schools outdoors premises.  One was closer to where we walked everyday, another was in the garden, another in the schoolyard, and the last was on our classrooms windowsill. 

We would then go around each week to see what had become of each empty jar covered in Vaseline, and each week we saw that they got filthier and filthier, until after a month we couldn’t see anything on any of the jars other than black soot. 

While I realize that the empty mayo jars never showered, and that this lady may very well shower on a daily basis.  All of her showering is for naut, and by globbing her face with Vaseline each morning she is only inviting more and more dirt to her face.  It’s disgusting, and completely unknown as to why anyone would do such things with Vaseline.  Note: if you want to be experimental with Vaseline, use an empty mayo jar, not your face!

Her face is a sad face indeed, as it just gets more and more filthy and disgusting with each and every passing hour of the day.  Until finally, she gets home, sits down, picks up her latest copy of a Nicholas Sparks book, then proceeds to pick her face clean from all of the filth that it acquired throughout the day.  (I assume to tell you the truth)  And while I’m assuming going to continue to give out first hand knowledge, I’ll go out on a limb ahead and bring you more facts, and say that she boils all of the pollution and filth that she picks off her face each night into a stew, freezes it, and takes it to work the next day to have lunch.  She’s a penny pincher in that way.  (I assume.)