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I truly lucked out on Sunday afternoon when I went for a walk up for some delicious Carvel ice cream - camera in hand.  See, before I went for Carvel, and before meeting up with my favorite frog, I walked up my block and happened to look briefly at this blooming purple rose and found a bee doing what I can only describe as a humping motion while it was head deep in pollen.

I think that I was quite lucky to catch this bloom just then, since it appeared to be at its fullest, and would have been just happy enough to get a photo of the bloom, THAT BEE made it all the more better.  I love that this shot shows the wings of the bee being pulled back as far as they can go and its back right leg is stretched out as far as it can go so that it could gets its face and front antenna all in that pollen.

Way cool!

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Most of us will not be working this Monday, and instead will be partying it up with lots of booze, sex, and vomiting - sometimes (and hopefully) all at the same time. 

Instead of doing the usual booze, sex, and vomit on each other routine, why don’t we just take a step back and think about how and what we can do for our part to help save ourselves from what we’ve been doing to the Earth, namely the polluting.  It’s just gross and disgusting and why should we all continue to create a gross and disgusting place to grow old and die in. 

Wouldn’t you rather grow old and die in a place with a view of crystal clear water, clean blue skies, and surrounded by fields of flowers that will silently laugh as you poop yourself when you croak?  Well I sure as heck would!

Let’s just all call up Con Edison (or your local power company) and request that your account be switched over to a different sort of energy source - a green and renewable energy source. 

That’s right kids, for just 2.5 cents more per kilowatt-hour (kWh) you can purchase and use green environmentally friendly energy from Con Edison. 

Don’t believe me? 

Think that I’m here wanting you to waste all of your time on a three day weekend pursuing ways to better the world?  

Well then click right here, and you can read all about saving the world via purchasing your electricity from green sources of energy yourself.

Do it!  You know that you wanna…

Remember, she (pictured above) can make all of our lives a living hell if we don’t do what she wants, and I’m not talking about boinking her drunk while simultaneaously vomiting on her you perverts!.

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I’m alive, and this morning I realized that that blackish/purplish thingy that I posted about yesterday was most likely a slight burn from pulling on the blinds metal up/down thingermajiggy to open up the blinds and bring in some light.  Moving on… 

Yesterday morning Cheese and I were sitting in our usual spot on the R train, just as the door closed, in walked a woman and her husband.  They seemed average enough, except for the fact that the woman was wearing a set of lime green Crocs, AND was holding a matching lime green paper bag that appeared to be containing her lunch.

I can only hope that the gal has a matching lime green sofa, and arm chairs in her apartment, because I really wouldn’t want those Crocs to EVER look out of place in NYC.

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See, the thing is…I might be knocked off by God before I can write just one more post about my personal minutia of living in New York City.  I’m sure that the fours of you who are reading this must be wondering why I’m being so morbid in this post, but I have evidence, just take a look at my ring finger. 

See that giant darkened blackish/purplish roundish spot on the top knuckle of my ring finger?  Trust me when I say that it looks much darker in person than it does in that photo.

Well it’s there, I don’t know what it is, and it all of a sudden happened as I was changing out of my work clothes and into my man of the night evening wear just a few moments ago. 

At first my finger just hurt in a sharp pain as if something bit me, and yet I doubt anything bit me as I went to take off my shirt.  The only possibility of something taking a bite out onmy finger is that my belly button grew sharp teeth, attacked my finger tip, and then allowed all evidence of teeth to disappear before I could take a look under my shirt.  Now the spot on the finger just hurts if I put pressure on it.  It’s also slightly swollen and warm on that spot. 

Here’s another look via profile of my finger.  I’m hoping to allow you, the play at home doctor to try and diagnose whatever you think this is.

Do you see that second lump from the right on the finger tip?  The one that looks like the belly of a sperm whale?  It has never been there before.

If you never hear from me again, know that I loved the Cheese, my cat, gardening, romantic comedies, and most of all pig because they are the one that make bacon.  My only last requests are that you all try to save yourselves from attacking belly buttons, take up gardening or plant a tree (all of you), and that I be cremated with a large order of pork fried rice - so that my soul has food to live on for eternity.

Thank you for all reading, and I look forward to hopefully being here to take you into the world of my personal neurosis sometime in the future.  Let’s just all cross our fingers and hope that this spot on my finger is nothing more than the soot marks of someone burning my hand via a voodoo doll.

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I swear it.

This morning I was talking to someone in my cube, went to take a sip of some water, and apparently wasn’t paying too close attention to what I was doing, cause I missed my mouth altogether. 

Yeup, I brought the water up to my left cheek and poured as if I was about to sip.  I quickly realized my mistake when I realized that I was talking and drinking water at the same time.  I’ve seen that done on tv, but those people don’t end up with wet crotches like I did.

Water, you’re my new frienemy!

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I know that I’m not a complete whackjob, and I know that I read breaking news in a bright red banner atop the CNN.com homepage yesterday morning stating that Pakistan President Pervez Musharraf was stepping down as the Pakistani Army Chief.  A move that would most likely send some ripples throughout newsrooms, military men, and Wall Street. 

When I went back to CNN.com there was no story about such action on the past of Musharraf on the website.  Nothing!  Then yesterday evening went I went to look for some sort of “Oops” news story talking about some internet hoax, the only thing that I could find even slightly related to this was a Forbes news story and this was then a 12 hour old story.

a) What has really happened if anything?

b) Is there some sort of media blackout on this news story that we being cut out of?

c) Tomorrow are they going to say that Tupac and Princess Di have been found alive and living together in the jungles of Guatamala?

Thankfully there is a blog about Pakistan that is covering this possible story.  Break out your weird/wutwazthat sticks kiddos.

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Living in New York allows you to bump elbows with celebrities every now and then.  This one time (Yes, I’m calling him a celebrity) I caught Jimmy J.J. Walker in a bar on Avenue A and 13th. 

Jimmy, pictured here with Ann Coulter.

At the time in that cheesy bar/lounge I couldn’t remember his name, all that I could remember was DYN-O-MITE!

I was at the corner of the bar and Jimmy was on the other side of the corner of the bar - WASTED! 

Not only was he wasted, which I hear shouldn’t be a shock to anyone that he knows, but he was trying to pick up a very obvious how do you say it…

 

heavyset lesbian.  Could this be the explaination to that photo with Ann Coultier?  Possibly…

Anyway, sadly it wasn’t actually Rosie O’Donnell that he was trying to pick up, but since she’s the poster girl for heavyset lesbians, she fits the bill for this blog purpose.

So there I was eavesdropping on Jimmy J.J. Walker mumbling and stumbling in place while attempting to pick up this newfound bar friend of his, and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out if he was actually going to pick up this chic at the end of the night, and I didn’t stay to find out.

All these years later I still wonder if he bagged her, and still to this day wonder how many women are out there saying “Yeah, I banged him.” about J.J.

Here’s to J.J.

Glug Glug!

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Back in high school I wasn’t the cool, hip, suave, sophisticated, nubian hunk of a man that I am today - shocking I know.  I was very geeky, and barely 110lbs and 5′8″ tall when I graduated, and that was me at my biggest back then.  I’ve since elongated and filled in some.  I was also quite the shy one when it came to persuing the females that had my attention.

All four years I had a slight crush on one particular gal and never once made a move.  I was stuck in barely there friend zone.  It was this girl named Stephanie.  She went to an all girls Catholic high school near my all boys Catholic high school.  (that reference is for you [cherry] ride)  She was (in my mind) a true beauty, what with her lanky frame, boney knees, and extra large ear lobes.

So I haven’t seen this gal since the spring of 1998, have long since lost that high school crush I had nurtured, and every now and then wondered what every became of her.

Well, I saw her last night! 

I was in the supermarket, and needed to get some bananas.  Now, for the many of the fours of you who don’t shop at my supermarket, the bananas have their own little aisle within the fresh produce department.  As I approached the banana mini-aisle I saw two women that appeared to be mother and daughter.  I saw only a quick split second profile view of the gal as I passed and turned to the bananas.

While looking at all of these green unripened bananas my mind shook.  THAT was Stephanie…I think!

I was about 75% certain that this was the adult version of the girl that I had quietly crushed on in high school.  I wasn’t about to say “Stephanie?” and make a quick howya doing?  because I have finally learned that saying hello to people that I don’t really know only ends up with odd and awkward conversations of “Soooo….what are you up to?” 

Instead I walked over to the pineapples, pretended to examine some looking for the best pineapple, and quietly looked out at this womans ears - looking for gigantic earlobes! 

Her hair was pulled back and my mind pulled out the memory of Stephanie’s big ginormous ears that hadn’t been seen in nearly a decade. 

BINGO!

That was her - without a doubt.

Yeup, her and her big ears.  By the time I finished my shopping her and her mother hadn’t left the fresh produce section, and were in an apparent infatuation with the various forms of nuts that were up for sale. 

So that’s what Stephanie is up to.  Checking out nuts.

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Goodwill Ambassador Angelina Jolie recently jetted over to Iraq for some good ole’ fashioned business of Americana.  Yes, she was apparently over in Iraq helping spread the word about how bulimia and or anorexia is the key to success for women in Hollywood.

 

Thank you Angelina for all of your hard work.  Now please go eat a steak and some mashed potatoes and keep it all down.  Rinse, then repeat.

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As the fours of you who read my blog on Friday already know, I went and saw the Rentals in concert on Thursday.

(The Rentals, c/o therentals.com)

The show seriously rocked, and I felt happy with the show, despite the entire show going too long with the Rentals going overtime and ending up having their stage shut down due to too long of an entire show. 

Before the show Cheese and I casually made our way to the front center of the stage, and in doing so happened to pass two young Asian gals.  When Cheese and I got settled in, these two gals decided that THEY needed to be in front of Cheese and I, and pushed and hard elbowed their way to stand in front of us.  I haven’t a clue as to why these gals were so full of rage, but it isn’t the first time that I’ve witnessed young Asian women rage at concerts.  In fact, most of the unnecessary pushing that I’ve seen at concerts that are traditionally considered “non-fighting” concerts has been at the cause from young Asian women.  Maybe they feel way too repressed living in some suburban New Jersey Korean community or something, I don’t know, but I find their consistent anger at casual and relaxed concerts quite odd.

Now for those of you who aren’t familiar with the Rentals music, they make what most people who classify as nerdy, geeky, emo music, and that most of the people who went to the show as an audience member was an obvious nerdy geek - myself included.  So after those two angry and raging young Asian had violently pushed and shoved their way through the crowd, and after the Cheese went to the concession stand to get a fill up, I got to thinking….

What if I actually got into a fistfight at a nerdy geeky concert like the Rentals or a Weezer show?

I had a couple of thoughts on this:

1. I would mop the floor with the nerdy, dweeby, geek that made me look like Johnny Depp in 21 Jump Street.
2. I would be horrified about getting into a fight and thrown out of a show that I really wanted to see.  And lastly,
3. I would be terrified that the fight would be caught on someones camera phone, and then uploaded to youtube, with the label “Geek Fight” where I would become the laughing stock of the world for a week with 8 million views all due to my geekiness and weak form of physical defense that somehow beats the crap out of someone with lamer physical defense skills.

I’m just glad that THAT didn’t happen.

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I just needed to wash myself from the disgust of what is Michael Vick, and post something good in the world.  So here’s a special post of “Coolness”.  For those of you who aren’t already in the know, Coolness is usually reserved for photographs of bees, but today, I give you…this frog!

Isn’t he cool!  He lives in my neighborhood, and I was worried about him, because that tornado blew through VERY close to his home earlier this month.  He looked so happy this weekend, was swimming, and just checking out Cheese and I. 

If you’d like to visit him, he lives in the Narrows Botanical Gardens- Brooklyn’s other Botanical Gardens.

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I don’t know about you, but I sure as heck didn’t believe Michael Vick’s apology one bit yesterday, and THIS is from someone who believes O.J. Simpson when he says that he didn’t kill Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman.

I hope that the judge didn’t believe the apology as well.  Plus for the man to say that he only facilitated the dog fighting operation but didn’t bet on the actual dog fights only makes him out to be a bigger asshole.  Judge, please go right on ahead and lock this fucktard Vick up for as long as possible for this, please.  Or better yet, lock Vick up with that other fucktard Peter Braunstein.  Let them screw each others lives and bodies up as much as they can and call it a day.

That will be all for my disgust for people who should have known better for today.

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I’m sure that many of the fours of you who read this blog already know that I lost some CDs last weekend, and I’m sure that you all have been worried as sick as I have about my missing CDs and wondered about whether or not there was enough beer in the world to make me forget about how much I missed my missing CDs - well, I have some futher developments to report to you about this entire situation. 

We all know that Cheese safely apprehended the missing CDs, and presumably killed the kidnapper of the CDs and dumped his body in the East River on Wednesday night, and now the missing CDs have been officially reunited with me!

Welcome Home Pink, Missundastood, Elvis, Aloha From Hawaii, and Kiss, Best of Volume I.

There were hundreds of photographers on hand for this event. 

If you look close, I was shedding a tear out of my left eye.

Here’s the initial photo of our being reunited.  They hugged me so tight.

And I hugged them back just as tight - damn I missed them.

It was a full blown lovefest!

Yes, that photo on the left is of me dressed as Batman and Mr. Eyebrows himself, George Whipple - you might recognize me dressed as Batman from a photograph of me and the former owner of the Moonstruck Diner that hung inside the Moonstruck.

I toasted the homecoming of the CDs.

I did lots of toasting in their honor, as well as for Cheese being my commando/hero and rescuing my CDs.

Yeup, it was a truly magical and very special weekend for all three CDs and myself.

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This weekend was apparently the unofficial “Bad Parenting on the Subway Weekend” - unless I somehow missed the official announcement.

Firstly, I witnessed what I can only as the complete and utter opposite of a MILF.  She was with her eight or nine year old son, couldn’t have been more than 35 years old, had the palest of alabaster skin, and driest and damaged of bad 1991 banged hairstyles.

I really wish that I could have safely have taken a photo of her, but I couldn’t safely without being caught since she was three feet away and facing me.  See, while in the middle of two subway stations this alabaster nonMILF whipped out a disposable blade and began shaving her right leg - DRY!  I swear to God she did, and my immediate thoughts were Eww Eww Eww! 

I had then found myself torn between wanting to hurl on the spot, and laugh at her while taking a camera photo of her.  What actually happened was somewhere in between.

Secondly (and while in the same subway car) a father came on and sat across from me with his what appeared to be six of seven year old girl.  The girl innocently stated that she loved President Bush, and didn’t understand why people didn’t like President Bush.

The father then went into a very long, dry, and very serious one sided conversation of explaining how we ended up at war in Afghanistan and Iraq.  This guy just kept going on and on and on in some of the most existential of ways that made me want to just shout out, “Just tell her that war isn’t good and leave it at that!  She’s six, and won’t understand how and why people in Ramadi are being killed.”  But I didn’t, I just sat there wondering and imagining that girl probably marrying the kid who wanted my seat earlier this week. 

P.S. Go see Superbad - It was great.

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This shot is of a bee hiding underneath some of my lemon balm.  It’s just beautiful…

 

It had rained earlier in the morning, and everything still had some slight moisture on it.  I couldn’t tell if the bee was taking in water, or if it was cleaning itself.

Either way, it looks really cool hiding under the leaves. 

Plus I love that this photo allows us all to see the tiny hairs of the lemon balm, great detail of bee that usually isn’t photographed, and it’s antenna is sticking out!

Way cool!

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