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Check out this yellowjacket that found its way in Cheese’s wine glass..errr…into the wine that Cheese was drinking.

Hopefully it didn’t get too drunk off the white wine, and don’t worry, we spilled the wine out onto the lawn.  The yellowjacket dried itself with the sunlight, and off it went to continue along its way - albeit a little drunk I’m sure. 

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Hey Everyone,

I created a new MySpace page, and I hope that all of you decide to befriend me there too - and if you haven’t already, add BeehiveHairdresser.com to you MySpace friend list too - that’s two total MySpace pages.

The new page is called “National Renewable Energy Association” and it can be found at the top left of my top list on MySpace - which can be found by clicking here.

Basically I came up with the idea of creating something similar to the NRA, and instead of gun rights, people unite towards renewable energy sources and solutions.

Everyone from the average American who works a blue or white collar job to the more “traditional” treehugger is invited to band together to help save the world.

I hope to see you all there.

Best,

Eric

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One time I was out in my front yard, gardening up a storm, when my then elderly next door neighbor Mrs. B. who is now deceased opened her window to ask if I could help her with putting the cover back onto her doorbell.

Seeing as we lived in mirrored places, I knew exactly what cover she was referring to.  It’s the cover that hides all of the mechanical parts of the door bell, and it’s near the ceiling just above the entryway to the kitchen. 

Let me not forget to mention that it is near impossible for the cover to fall off on its own - only an earthquake could possibly get the cover off naturally - she must have pulled the cover off herself.

Despite my finding it odd that the cover fell off, I told her that I could go over to her place and put the cover back up when I finished in the garden - or roughly, in a half an hour.

She agreed that this was fine, and after I washed up I went on over and rang her doorbell.

She answered the door holding the cover to the doorbell, going on about how it “just fell off” and how “it’s too high up to reach on my own”.

As I walked into the living room I greeted her husband who was busy battling Parkinson’s, and made my way to the kitchen - Mrs. B in toe.

Since the doorbell was too high for even my reach, I asked and borrowed a kitchen chair.  Then while stepping down from the kitchen chair I found myself way too close to Mrs. B.

She had all of a sudden taken a step into what normal people would consider to be personal space, and thanked me for helping her.

Then she said words that will make me shiver until the day I die, which were…

“Ya know, Eric, if I were only ten years younger, I would go for you.”

I stood there half confused, and half grossed out.  “Only ten years?  You’re at least 82 years old.”  I thought.

“I’m serious.  I really would.”  Mrs. B. went on to say.

Eww.  Eww.  Eww. 

Now I was really grossed out from my visualizing Mrs. B. pleasure herself while she imagined herself to be a 72 year old version of herself… seducing me.  I wanted to run, but didn’t.

“Oooooo-kay.  Well, I should get going.”  I replied.

I walked back into the living room where Mr. B. was sitting watching television, and said goodbye to him with what I can only assume to be thousand yard stare on my face.

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Has anyone else noticed that Justin Timberlake has quietly been growing his hair out?  Take a look at this photo of him doing his best Baywatch pose at the beach.

 

Yeah, I know what you’re thinking…he gets great manicures.

Long gone is the buzzed hair of JT…R.I.P.

It will be missed, and it brings me to question why JT is growing his hair out. 

Could it be that he is at the beginning stages of hairloss, and is growing his hair longer to hide any spots or patches of thinning hair? 

Or, quite possibly, is he growing his hair long so that when the thinning and balding does come, the longer hairs will be easier to move around and plug in where necessary?  Only JT knows for sure.

I for one hope that JT is bringing back the Justin Frosty-Fro.   

 

And I just might be the only one who finds it to be an appealing hairstyle. 

Long live the Justin Frosty-Fro!

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I had the movie Idlewild on in the background last night as I was busy checking my near empty inbox - I like emails, email me- when I heard the voice of Chris Tucker come onscreen. 

“Chris Tucker is in Idlewild?”  I thought.

I turned, looked at the television, and instead of seeing Chris Tucker, I found Macy Gray on the screen.  She was sounding all high pitch and not so raspy - in other words she sounded exactly like Chris Tucker. 

 

Chris Tucker could have been a Grammy Award winning singer, go figure.

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The bottom portion of my left eyelid has been twitching up an uncontrollable storm as of late.  I could be doing anything, from sitting at work doing actual work, to cooking making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, to just sitting down relaxing, and then it just happens.

I can feel it tugging very quickly.  It almost feels as though there is an invisible hand pinching (without pain) the entire bottom of the eyelid, because I sure as heck don’t have control of it.

My current motto is, has uncontrollable twitch, can’t think clearly.

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I’m not sure if I’ve ever written about a guy that we call “crab man” on the subway before.  He has only one arm, of which the top half is sort of normal looking, and the bottom half is well, maybe four inches long, AND HE HAS TWO DIGITS!  A thumb, and a ring finger - and it makes his hand look like a crab claw!  Take a look.

What’s not pictured is his sweaty face.  His face was indeed [redacted] to protect the innocent…

The man is a seriously profuse sweater, and he is always carrying a hankerchief in his “crab claw” so that he can keep his face sweatbead free - this is his same ”crab claw” that he also uses to tap the beat of his iPod music on the subway poles.

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I had a dream that Cheese was throwing a party at my place for her friends brother returning from serving in Kosovo.  Cheese supplied the party with food - Chinese take out.

When I answered the door the Chinese delivery man was holding three plastic bags full of food and informed me that I owed him well over $5,000.00 for the bill.  When I scoffed at the high price, he told me that Cheese ordered over $2,000 .00 in lo-mein, that mushrooms cost him .25 cents per, and that he needed to make a living too.

Oh boy did I wake up exhausted…and now,I’m tired…

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While waiting for the elevator to arrive I noticed that some anonymous coworker has been giving it to the man….

There’s at least two coffee cups up in that lighting area, and there is also splash marks of coffee of the paint…

Oh to be an angry banker… 

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Last week I was passed out on my couch, under the covers, and all comfy attempting to sleep off the effects of a cold.  While asleep I began to hear a loud ringing sound, and I apparently got up to investigate - keep in mind I was still asleep…

I’m almost a pro at sleep walking, I’ve never fallen over anything in my house, and even found myself on the platform of the 4th Avenue line of the New York City subway waking from a sleep walk - but the other night my sleep walking was awoken like this…

I was holding the phone to my ear…

“WHAT?  HUH?  I CAN’T HEAR YOU!!!”

“HUH” 

“SPEAK UP, WILL YA?”

I was now awake…

“Hello?”

The caller on the other side, who had a male voice said sheepishly…

“I’m so sorry, I…I…I dialed the wrong number…”

click

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That’s right, I am pregnant!!!

I starting seeing the signs that I was pregnant about twoweeks ago whenI found myself with what I thought was a cold, and eating lots of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with sides of pickles.

The this past weekend Cheese asked if I was pregnant, and I wasn’t sure.

So, I went out and purchased an E.P.T. (Emergency Pregnancy Test)…

I peed on it, and waited for what felt like an eternity…and the results are in…

I’m pregnant!  Wow!  It sounds so odd to say it, and even stranger to read it spelled out.  Just to let you all know, it’s way too early for the doctor to define the sex, and to be quite honest, I really need to find a good OB-GYN….

Oh boy, this is gonna be a crazy couple of months…and I here I thought I had a cold….

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Saturday night I caught a small piece of a teaser to a news show, and I heard some news involving Jan Brady and her older television sister Marcia.  I didn’t get to watch the news, and never heard what the actual news story was.

Cut to Sunday afternoon I’m sitting at a table with my aunt in my sister’s backyard after a Christening, and I happened to ask if she saw the news recently, and if so had she heard of anything about people from the Brady Bunch.

She had, and told me about how there was a lesbian sexual relationship between Marcia & Jan Brady…and I just sort of went deaf and blind for a few moments.  I’m not really sure what happened afterward for a good hour, and if you want to read an actual news source with revealing insight to this story, click here to continue.

Judging by the above photo, we can safely say that Jan was the top, nice!

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Check out this f*cking amazing photo I took of a cicada bug!  

 

Holy crap that thing looks like an alien.

One Sunday morning I was strolling through the Narrows Botanical Gardenwhen I heard the sound of the cicada ringing in a once thought extinct dawn redwood tree.  After zoning in on the sound I finally found him, and I hope all that ringing that he did helped him find his mate.   These bugs are the sound of summer, and I think that they’re great.

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I went to the doctor two days ago for this cold that I have, and the guy that was called into the tiny waiting room before me was very much an Italian American guido - a guido who happened to have lots of really bad tattoos - multiple tribal bands, chinese lettering, and general yuck of poor craftsmanship. 

Having overheard his conversation with the receptionist, I knew that he was there without any insurance.  I’ve been in his position of not having insurance, so I know that he must have had good reason to go to the doctor uninsured.

Then when I was seating in the tiny waiting room I realized that I was across the hall from bad tattoo guido guy, and I could easily hear his very loud voice carry through the walls and closed door.

This is an excerpt of their conversation.

Guido:  So I work outside, and I touch alot of things, and I got this hear rash on my crotch and I don’t know what it is.

Doctor:  Let me take a look.

Guido:  Yeah, I don’t know what it is.  I’ve never seen nothing like it before.

Doctor:  Sir, that’s herpes.

Guido:  Get the fuck out of here.   It can’t be.

Doctor:  Listen to me.  It is, I kid you not.

Guido:  My fucking life is over.  How could this have happened?

Doctor:  From sex.

Damn I love my doctor.

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I’ve seen jerks comment onother peoples blogs in the doucheiest of douchebag fashions. 

I myself have always felt good about my not having to deal with such jerks - that is until yesterday, when commenter “nicole” decided that she needed to spew her hate towards me over a post written over two weeks ago.

The post in question in which she spews hate towards me is the post in which I railed against Verizon Wireless, and their Verizon 411 connect charges. 

Now to the my naked eye “nicole” appears to be a Verizon Wireless employee…

And after being told by “nicole” to “suck a dick” I thought I’d just say thank you to her. 

If you’d like to tell “nicole” thank you personally, she can be reached at lil_loka_phx@yahoo.com 

Nicole, have a great weekend!

I know I will.

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