While waiting for the elevator to arrive I noticed that some anonymous coworker has been giving it to the man….

There’s at least two coffee cups up in that lighting area, and there is also splash marks of coffee of the paint…

Oh to be an angry banker… 

Last week I was passed out on my couch, under the covers, and all comfy attempting to sleep off the effects of a cold.  While asleep I began to hear a loud ringing sound, and I apparently got up to investigate - keep in mind I was still asleep…

I’m almost a pro at sleep walking, I’ve never fallen over anything in my house, and even found myself on the platform of the 4th Avenue line of the New York City subway waking from a sleep walk – but the other night my sleep walking was awoken like this…

I was holding the phone to my ear…

“WHAT?  HUH?  I CAN’T HEAR YOU!!!”

“HUH” 

“SPEAK UP, WILL YA?”

I was now awake…

“Hello?”

The caller on the other side, who had a male voice said sheepishly…

“I’m so sorry, I…I…I dialed the wrong number…”

click

That’s right, I am pregnant!!!

I starting seeing the signs that I was pregnant about twoweeks ago whenI found myself with what I thought was a cold, and eating lots of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with sides of pickles.

The this past weekend Cheese asked if I was pregnant, and I wasn’t sure.

So, I went out and purchased an E.P.T. (Emergency Pregnancy Test)…

I peed on it, and waited for what felt like an eternity…and the results are in…

I’m pregnant!  Wow!  It sounds so odd to say it, and even stranger to read it spelled out.  Just to let you all know, it’s way too early for the doctor to define the sex, and to be quite honest, I really need to find a good OB-GYN….

Oh boy, this is gonna be a crazy couple of months…and I here I thought I had a cold….

I went to the doctor two days ago for this cold that I have, and the guy that was called into the tiny waiting room before me was very much an Italian American guido – a guido who happened to have lots of really bad tattoos – multiple tribal bands, chinese lettering, and general yuck of poor craftsmanship. 

Having overheard his conversation with the receptionist, I knew that he was there without any insurance.  I’ve been in his position of not having insurance, so I know that he must have had good reason to go to the doctor uninsured.

Then when I was seating in the tiny waiting room I realized that I was across the hall from bad tattoo guido guy, and I could easily hear his very loud voice carry through the walls and closed door.

This is an excerpt of their conversation.

Guido:  So I work outside, and I touch alot of things, and I got this hear rash on my crotch and I don’t know what it is.

Doctor:  Let me take a look.

Guido:  Yeah, I don’t know what it is.  I’ve never seen nothing like it before.

Doctor:  Sir, that’s herpes.

Guido:  Get the fuck out of here.   It can’t be.

Doctor:  Listen to me.  It is, I kid you not.

Guido:  My fucking life is over.  How could this have happened?

Doctor:  From sex.

Damn I love my doctor.