BeehiveHairdresser.com

Technorati is a website that I just don’t get.  Don’t get me wrong, I understand that it is a search engine of sorts, okay…it’s really just a fancy blog in and of itself, and people can link their blogs to it, heck, even this very blog is linked to it.

What I don’t get is why people actually use technorati to look something up on the internet.  Out of all of the possible way to look something up, and out of everything one could possibly be doing with their lives, people are for some odd reason choosing to look up useless drivel on technorati. 

Here are the current top searches in technorati, and what I have to say about them…

1. Eva Longoria:  Yeah, she’s quite pretty, and at the same time she’s a bit much.  The only difference between her and Star Jones is that Star is a lawyer who wasn’t always waif thin before marriage.
2. Noelia:  I have no clue as to who or what this is, and thanks to technorati I have finally heard of the name Noelia.  For technorati purposes, let’s all just pretend that we wrote a story involing a gangbang with Noelia, that is, unless Noelia is in fact underage and or deformed in some shape or form, then let’s pretend that we didn’t cause that would be both wrong and gross.
3. Webcam:  Who the hell is looking up the term “webcam”?  Are these the same morons who keep google searching “computers, internet, blog” and finding beehivehairdesser.com for some odd reason.  I don’t even want to think of how these people used to look up camers before the internet…
4. Zune:  Sounds like it’s some sort of new techie website that has things on it that I could care less about, and with users who I wouldn’t want to run into at a Star Wars convention.
5. Ron Paul:  I know who this guy is, but barely.  I think that he is a member of the House or Senate and that he is running for President.  Besides that I’ve seen a bunch of whacko sites talking up Ron Paul as the next Howard Dean, and we all know how that ended up the first time.  HAAAWWWWW!
6. Britney Spears:  Can all of the users of technorati honestly not find enough news and blog stories about Britney Spears any number of other ways?  Can you just look up Nicole Richie every now and then for a change, and imagine just how bad of a parent she’s going to be?
7. Heroes:  I know that this is a television show, and the fact that it is ranked so high up on technorati makes me believe that it has a sad sort of following.  One that lives and dies by this show, and one that most likely has a very powerful constituency of nerdy Heroes message board readers.
8. Bikini:  This one gets lumped in (zing!) with webcams, and it’s probably being searched so much by the very same high school kids of have never heard of something called voyeurweb.
9. Learning 2.0:  Oh boy…this seems like product placement.  Who in their right mind is technorati searching “Learning 2.0″.  I think that technorati is trying to pull one over on us all with this “Most Popular” search.
10. Environment:  Isn’t that a little broad for a search.  I’m guessing that there are way too many people out there who want to do something about the environment, but they are too stupid to think about an exact item that they should care about in the environment to begin with, so therefore “environment” is just thrown out there.  Hey, guess what you nutters, I’m currently in a WORK environment.
11. “Dana Vachon”:  This is yet another person who I have no idea is, but with a last name like Vachon, I would be willing to wager that he or she is of a vampire cult, or at the very least listens to the Cure a heck of a lot.  Dare I not forget, who are these people that are using bunny ears to search this person.
12. Adverlets:  This one sounds very geek bloggy thing, and I’m most certain that there is most likely a half dozen help topics on the wordpress message board in regards to advertlets.
13. Yahoo:  This is just a slap in the face to anyone who is dumb enough to use technorati as an actual tool to find something.  I can guarantee you that everyone who has ever visited technorati has heard of and been to yahoo.com.  This is a far more shameful internet ad than the learning 2.0.
14. Blogs:  Well, duh.  That’s what technorati does.  Hmmm, I want to look up some blogs, let me just go to the blog search engine, and type….mmmmm….I don’t know “blogs”!  Yeah, that should do the trick.  With a top search like this one, I can’t help but fear that the world is in dire need of engineers and scientists.
15. Blackwater:  I know what this one is.  It’s the U.S. based company that is used in war time situations to “get around” things like rules of engagement.  Anyone looking up blackwater on technorati is most likely only looking for their fellow conspiracy theorist.  Schprek, I tell you, Schprek - you know what I mean - wink wink.

There you have it folks, ten minutes of internet ignorance, and a keyboard.