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Today is New Years Eve, and it’s one of those days that people feel as though they NEED to be out trying to have a great time, and to this I say, meh, you’re better off home alone.

As far as I can tell not many good things happen due to New Years, usually only bad things happen, fights, accidents, or at the bare minimum feeling as though you didn’t have as good a time being out as you should have.

On another note for New Years, the ball drop in Times Square each year “gets more and more special”.  This year the ball is said to be twice as bright as last years, which I believe was supposed to be twice as bright as the year before, which was supposed to be twice as big as the year before that, which was supposed to be twice as shiny as the year before and so on.

So just be warned, this years ball will most likely be the size of Giants Stadium, as blinding as the sun, and as irreverent as seeing your brother’s penis.  So be careful out there, kids.

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This wasn’t supposed to happen to my CFL for another couple of years.

I think that I changed all of the lightbulbs to these energy efficient lightbulbs in 2003 or 2004, while it’s still one heck of a long life for a lightbulb that has been used probably most in my place (it’s in the bathroom) the packaging label that it came in stated that it would last 7 years.  Meh…it’s still a less costly way to light my place.

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This past week I’ve been cat sitting Clinton and Girlfriend’s cat, and yesterday while sitting on the floor, rubbing the cat behind his ears I farted.

Like, seriously big guns, shook the crown molding, blasted a fart into the floor, FARTED!  And even though it was just me and the cat I immediately placed the blame on him.

“Eww, did you just fart?”  I immediately said aloud, and he just looked back up at me and placed the blame right where it belonged.  He’s a smart cat.

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Someone has defaced the mural of homemade publicly displayed passive aggressive signs made by the crazy super.

Yes, the windows of the doorway sure look clean, but take a closer look…

His signs are littered throughout the lobby, and I couldn’t help but laugh at this sight while wondering what sign might be displayed in response to this heinous action.

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I hope that you’re enjoying your Sunday afternoon.  Take some time for yourself and watch these amazing videos.

Elephant Eats Poop:

Afghani Armpit Orchestra:

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I received a new Bid Laden video from my anonymous source (HINT: youtube), it’s an unbelievable must see!

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Check out this budding bloom to be on my Butterfly Bush.

Wowwie…total coolness!!!

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On my way to the DMVyesterday I rode the subway with my childhood frienemy Charlie, that’s him on the right with the guitar on his back.

I had recognized him immediately, then sometime while going over the Manhattan Bridge I think he may have recognized me, but we said nothing and didn’t formally acknowledge one another. 

I didn’t really have much to say to him, although the amateur psychologist in me wanted to grill him for as much info about how his mind works as possible.

See, Charlie is?/was a genius, like, for real, major league has the brainpower of eighteen really smart people rolled into one sort of genius.  He was always at the top of all standardized tests from school, never studied, he just knew everything as if Newton’s brain was placed in his head at birth.

Not to say that he wasn’t trouble, in fact he was by far the trouble maker of the block when he came out to play.  The first fistfight I ever had was with him over him taking my hat and we must have had at least 30 or more fights after that, all of which he started.  He always wanted to win a fight, while I always just wanted to call the fights an even match, even though most of our fights ended with him on the ground with my foot going to his head and face repeatedly - obviously he kept trying to prove himself.

In hindsight I like to imagine that since Charlie was constantly being an abused kid at home (I remember hearing his father beat the crap out of him, and it was the norm for his house), his being a troublemaker and always starting fights with all of the kids on the block was his way of attempting to show that he cared about the other kids on the block.  Weird, sick, and twisted, but that just might have been his way.

What’s even weirder about the paragraph above is that I’ve had conversations, been given rides, and even had a drink with his father as an adult, and it blows my mind at how the calm and gentle man that I’ve seen as an adult would have done such horrific things to his kids 15 plus years ago - as Rick James so eloquently said, “Cocaine is a hellova drug“.

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This week we were told to look busy when not having any work to do since it’s mainly a slow week.  So what has the douchebag who sits next to me been doing all morning?

 

FLIPPIN’ TETRIS!!!!

I can’t stand her, not because she’s not working, I could care less if she worked or not, I can’t stand her because she NEEDS to play the game on full volume in her cube!!!

WTF???

I also suspect that she is the douchebag who sprays herself with nauseating perfume sporadically throughout the day - we work in an air recirculating building and can’t open the windows to air it out.

She’s also the douche who has the most annoying giggle of “HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE”, and way of saying “OOOOOOOH!”  both of which she does often.

Did I mention that she’s a devout Christian, who walks around as if you cannot talk to her because she is Holy-er than Holy.

I can’t wait to remove myself from this environment, and I’m now officially holding my breath and counting the days.

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I’m not sure if many people know this, or if this is one of the those “family secrets” that should remain a secret or not, but in my family if there is a sticky label that needs to be removed we don’t scrub and fret to get it off, we apply peanut butter, wait a couple of hours, and then casually remove.

Cheese bought me some wheat beer glasses for Christmas, and I’m doing the old family peanut butter secret on them…and it peanut butter goodness still works!!!  Take a look!

The sticky label that would have been a nightmare to scratch off came off in two seconds - in hindsight I should have had an earlier before photo with just the label, but peanut butter went on while I was verrrry sleepy and not thinking about proper record keeping for the blog. 

Trust me, big, tough, and sticky stickers were on the bottom of each glass.

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For years I dealt with ankle deep water in my shower due to a slow drain.  Nothing worked to make it drain at a normal pace, not Drano, Liquid Plumr, snaking it, or even plunging worked to much good.  I finally had a plummer in to snake the clogged nasty one to at least get the water out of the tub, and he recommended using a good degreaser. 

He didn’t have a name brand one of anything like that, but this is what I got at Home Depot, and it’s flippin’ great!

I used it a couple of times andthat tough drain finally cleared itself up for good.  I was left amazed by watching the water not build up during my showers and instead run down the drain that never before drained the way a drain should. 

Over the past two or so years the stubborn drain became a distant memory until two weeks ago when out of the blue it just stopped draining completely.  I went to work and came back to a tub still filled with ankle deep water.  I plunged the main clog to get the water down into the drain and pour about a third of this bottle into it.

Perfect draining drain, once again, it’s amazing, and makes the drain do its job for under 20 bucks.  

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I just spent my day at the local DMV on 34th Street in Herald Square applying, testing, and obtaining a Commercial Drivers License Permit.  Most of the time (about 75%) of it was dealing with people who look like this, only not as happy and alive as those pictured.

I need to nap, and then I’ll be able to tell the tale…

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I tore a hole in the left armpit of a sweater that I bought myself last year. 

This is the first time that I ripped an article of clothing like this due to my size, and not by way of having too much layering (RIP former jacket). 

Even though I originally bought the sweater fitting snuggly, it wouldn’t have ripped had I not gained about 20 pounds of beefy hunkness that I have since I buying it.

Damn, I liked that sweater.

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Just about every office has one of those people who just cannot stop talking without realizing that nobody wants to be bothered listening to what that person has to say.

The like to call this person in my office the wackjob, and she just so happens to sit on the best possible route to the bathroom, water supply, elevator bank, and emergency exit staircase.

This wackjob has a heavy New York accent, doesn’t believe in an indoor voice, can go on and on and on forever without getting that the one word replies from people are signs that they don’t want to hear about how she’s on a trying to loose weight but eats KFC everyday, how she works at Express as a second job, how she’s thinking about becoming a waitress, and the many other mundane things that should be in some blog called “Daily Minutia At It’s Finest“  - HAH!

Thankfully I’ve grown away from my former self that would stay and listen to wackjob people talk for the sake of being nice, and have now matured into being one who takes one step away from the wackjobs with every one word answer that I give, thereby eventually being able to turn a physical corner and abruptly end a one sided, and unwanted conversation.

This of course doesn’t mean that the office wackjob doesn’t try her best to stop me from being the unwitting soul for her to try and suck dry of all brain power. 

If I walk out without realizing into the right hand side of the hallway too far I’mdestined to begin hearing her chatter and blabber a good ten feet away, and then have her attempt to stop me at her desk for a chat, or as I call it, the scene of the crime.

I’m afraid that one day there will be a need to evacuate the building as fast as possible and I’ll hear “Yeah so, my night job at Express, you know, I have a second job at Express to make extra money, you know, I greet people, you know, I open up credit card account, you know, I eat KFC - it’s what I eat….blah blah blah” which will end up causing me to become trapped inside the building while it burns to the ground all because her momentary blabber slowing me down and ended my possible escape.

But there is good news, I’ve discovered a way to work around the situation fairly well.  A different approach through the hallway towards her desk, taking the far left approach… 

This approach allows for good cover that allows the beast not to see me, and then when I get close to her cube opening I can dart past her unscathed, sight unseen.  You might be wondering how I can remember to walk on the left all the time, and it’s really quite easy.  See, when I’m in the office I have an “L” written on two post it notes, which are then stuck to the top of my shoes.

It’s a rough world out there kids, be careful, and stay safe around wackjobs.

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WOW!!!  Holy Cannoli!!!  How the?  How sad, scary, yet funny!  Dang it, I wish I was there, or at least able to watch a security video of the escape and subsequent attack!!!

Seriously, Tatiana the Siberian Tiger killed a zoo visitor on site, and mauled two others on Christmas Day. 

She apparently leapt over a 15 foot moat and 20 foot wall to do her attacking business, and as sad the situation is of having a dead visitor, two mauled men, and a dead tiger on hand, it must have been one heck of an amazing sight to see.

You might remember Tatiana as being the tiger who decided to chew the flesh off of a zoo keeper’s arm last December.

All of this just goes to show that some animals just weren’t meant to be caged, and it will also stay in my mind to add some sense of real danger in of all of my future zoo visits.

Seriously, please release the video to the internet.

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