BeehiveHairdresser.com

So I live in a neighborhood that is one of the small pockets of gung ho pro Republican politics of New York City.  I happened to have just gotten out of a shower the other day, and was in the middle of drying myself off when I heard the doorbell ring. 

I quickly put on some shorts and a shirt to see who was there, and found an unfamiliar, yet friendly enough face outside. 

Without getting into specifics, I opened the door safely (i.e. turned the knob) and said, “What’s up?” as I quickly eyeballed the guy on the other side. 

1. Friendly looking Asian male
2. Early 20s
3. Big giant Ron Paul button on the left side of his head.

 

1+2+3= Whackjob to me…

So then while smiling his perfectly whitened and braced teeth, the friendly face said,

“Hi there, my name is [forgotten], and I’m here to talk about Ron Paul for President.  Do you have a couple of minutes?”

And that’s when I laughed aloud, waved the wave of no thanks, and said, “No thank.”

The friendly Asian guy seemed amused by my reaction, giggled, and went next door.  I can’t imagine what he thought he was actually going to accomplish that day.  The blindly pro Republicans of the neighborhood vote for whomever they are told to by the local news, sadly. 

I enjoy wearing Calvin Klein button down shirts to work in the corporate casual environment.  There’s something about them that makes me feel good about myself. 

Most of them are soft, shiny, and, well, quite perfect.  I do however have a few CK button down shirts that aren’t shiny, and yet these still allow myself that special goodness feeling when wearing them.

Here’s a light blue one that I have…

I’ve worn this shirt at least a half dozen times, and never knew anything different about it other than it’s lacking in the shiny aspect.   Then on Tuesday morning I walked into the mens room at work to wash my hands and found that someone had put a pocket on the left breast of the shirt!!!

“Who put this here?”  I said, looking at it is disbelief.  I didn’t even want to open up the pocket, for fear that it would make it even more noticeable. 

Having a giant breast pocket on a shirt, totally not cool. 

I’m now going to keep my fingers crossed and hope that a giant pocket protector full of pens doesn’t magically appear there as well.

Some sicko left a giant line of toothpaste in one of the sinks inside the men’s room at work. 

 

While it might look small in the photo, it’s actually a good inch and a half long, and it’s sadly taking the crap out of me. 

There’s only one guy on my floor that brushes his teeth regularly at work, so I’m going to place the blame for this on him, plus already disliking him for pet peeve reasons, makes placing the blame on him all the easier. 

He’s too quiet, never acknowledging anyone, he never looks to see if someone is coming around a corner while walking in HIS straight “I don’t see anyone or anything”line, and his mere presence annoys me to no end. 

He brushes his teeth and spends a good ten plus minutes in the bathroom primping his teeth while people, (cough) myself included, are taking care of business reading a newspaper and waiting for him to leave. 

Not only that, but during his ten minute ordeal he MUST keep the water gushing out of the faucet like it’s Niagara Falls.  This fact, moreso than the overly extended amount of time he takes at the sink is what makes me wish to see him trip over himself and fall down a flight of stairs in a highly comedic fashion.  I can’t stand people who are completely oblivious to their surroundings and how they DO affect the people and places around them.

So lets count the strikes against him, yes, I’ve been keeping tabs on him…

1. Unfriendly
2. Never watches out while coming around a corner.
3. He spends too long at the sink in a public bathroom.
4. He keeps the faucet at full speed open for unnecessary reasons.
5. He makes me think bad things of him…

So, not only all that, but he also seems to not have a care in the world when it comes to the filth around him while rinsing out his mouth. 

I’ve watched him stick his head way into the sink, with mouth fully open in order to get handfuls of water into his mouth and onto his face, making a splashy mess all around him.  Which in turn causes all of that nasty bacteria that lives in the sink fly all over the place, and probably onto his face, sleeves, and into the inside of his mouth.

He truly is a disgusting human being. 

Not only that, but he then has the nerve to leave a giant line of toothpaste in the sink.  Based off the fact that he basically licks the sink, it’s not like he thinks the sink is dirty, and yet he is apparently too grossed out to grab a paper towel out of Bessy, and clean it up. 

To all of this….IIIIIII hope he farts and craps his pants at work sometime soon.

Without getting into detail, some or all of the following that been happening inside of my body today…

The ebola virus…

An eye stabbing migraine…

An attack helecopter on a training mission…

A man barfing inside of me…

Some terrible yuckbird decaying inside of me…

Someone taking shots at a nearly defenseless kitten.

Or quite possibly, and most probable…an Afghani man with an assault gun protecting his field of poppy.

Yeah, needless to say, it’s because of all this, the posting hasn’t been up to the normal, and glorious par today. 

I’m kind of glad that Rudy Giuliani is losing his grip on the Florida primary, and that’s it’s all coming to a head today.

 

HAH!

Get it…cause when they say he’s losing his grip on Florida, it’s secretly meaning that his hand is slipping off of a flaccid penis…HAH!!!

Flaccid!!!  HAH!!!  PENIS!!! HAH!!!