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So I live in a neighborhood that is one of the small pockets of gung ho pro Republican politics of New York City.  I happened to have just gotten out of a shower the other day, and was in the middle of drying myself off when I heard the doorbell ring. 

I quickly put on some shorts and a shirt to see who was there, and found an unfamiliar, yet friendly enough face outside. 

Without getting into specifics, I opened the door safely (i.e. turned the knob) and said, “What’s up?” as I quickly eyeballed the guy on the other side. 

1. Friendly looking Asian male
2. Early 20s
3. Big giant Ron Paul button on the left side of his head.

 

1+2+3= Whackjob to me…

So then while smiling his perfectly whitened and braced teeth, the friendly face said,

“Hi there, my name is [forgotten], and I’m here to talk about Ron Paul for President.  Do you have a couple of minutes?”

And that’s when I laughed aloud, waved the wave of no thanks, and said, “No thank.”

The friendly Asian guy seemed amused by my reaction, giggled, and went next door.  I can’t imagine what he thought he was actually going to accomplish that day.  The blindly pro Republicans of the neighborhood vote for whomever they are told to by the local news, sadly. 

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I enjoy wearing Calvin Klein button down shirts to work in the corporate casual environment.  There’s something about them that makes me feel good about myself. 

Most of them are soft, shiny, and, well, quite perfect.  I do however have a few CK button down shirts that aren’t shiny, and yet these still allow myself that special goodness feeling when wearing them.

Here’s a light blue one that I have…

I’ve worn this shirt at least a half dozen times, and never knew anything different about it other than it’s lacking in the shiny aspect.   Then on Tuesday morning I walked into the mens room at work to wash my hands and found that someone had put a pocket on the left breast of the shirt!!!

“Who put this here?”  I said, looking at it is disbelief.  I didn’t even want to open up the pocket, for fear that it would make it even more noticeable. 

Having a giant breast pocket on a shirt, totally not cool. 

I’m now going to keep my fingers crossed and hope that a giant pocket protector full of pens doesn’t magically appear there as well.

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Some sicko left a giant line of toothpaste in one of the sinks inside the men’s room at work. 

 

While it might look small in the photo, it’s actually a good inch and a half long, and it’s sadly taking the crap out of me. 

There’s only one guy on my floor that brushes his teeth regularly at work, so I’m going to place the blame for this on him, plus already disliking him for pet peeve reasons, makes placing the blame on him all the easier. 

He’s too quiet, never acknowledging anyone, he never looks to see if someone is coming around a corner while walking in HIS straight “I don’t see anyone or anything”line, and his mere presence annoys me to no end. 

He brushes his teeth and spends a good ten plus minutes in the bathroom primping his teeth while people, (cough) myself included, are taking care of business reading a newspaper and waiting for him to leave. 

Not only that, but during his ten minute ordeal he MUST keep the water gushing out of the faucet like it’s Niagara Falls.  This fact, moreso than the overly extended amount of time he takes at the sink is what makes me wish to see him trip over himself and fall down a flight of stairs in a highly comedic fashion.  I can’t stand people who are completely oblivious to their surroundings and how they DO affect the people and places around them.

So lets count the strikes against him, yes, I’ve been keeping tabs on him…

1. Unfriendly
2. Never watches out while coming around a corner.
3. He spends too long at the sink in a public bathroom.
4. He keeps the faucet at full speed open for unnecessary reasons.
5. He makes me think bad things of him…

So, not only all that, but he also seems to not have a care in the world when it comes to the filth around him while rinsing out his mouth. 

I’ve watched him stick his head way into the sink, with mouth fully open in order to get handfuls of water into his mouth and onto his face, making a splashy mess all around him.  Which in turn causes all of that nasty bacteria that lives in the sink fly all over the place, and probably onto his face, sleeves, and into the inside of his mouth.

He truly is a disgusting human being. 

Not only that, but he then has the nerve to leave a giant line of toothpaste in the sink.  Based off the fact that he basically licks the sink, it’s not like he thinks the sink is dirty, and yet he is apparently too grossed out to grab a paper towel out of Bessy, and clean it up. 

To all of this….IIIIIII hope he farts and craps his pants at work sometime soon.

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Without getting into detail, some or all of the following that been happening inside of my body today…

The ebola virus…

An eye stabbing migraine…

An attack helecopter on a training mission…

A man barfing inside of me…

Some terrible yuckbird decaying inside of me…

Someone taking shots at a nearly defenseless kitten.

Or quite possibly, and most probable…an Afghani man with an assault gun protecting his field of poppy.

Yeah, needless to say, it’s because of all this, the posting hasn’t been up to the normal, and glorious par today. 

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I’m kind of glad that Rudy Giuliani is losing his grip on the Florida primary, and that’s it’s all coming to a head today.

 

HAH!

Get it…cause when they say he’s losing his grip on Florida, it’s secretly meaning that his hand is slipping off of a flaccid penis…HAH!!!

Flaccid!!!  HAH!!!  PENIS!!! HAH!!!

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Sunday evening I was picking through my supermarket’s egg section, looking for the one jumbo sized carton of eggs without a broken egg, and bumped my head on something that I didn’t see - this here display of already boiled and peeled, bag of hard boiled eggs…

My immediate thought was, “Oh God, they have to be kidding me…”  but no, absolutely not. 

Then I thought, “Those can’t be good for you.”  since the eggs are presumably in some sort of liquid preservative…yuck.  Plus, I just imagine that the people who work in the factory (and this is all in my head, I’m sure) probably pee into the water that they boil the eggs in.

Cheese then sees the very same eggs…”Oooooh!  Already hard boiled and shelled eggs.  These would be good for my place.  Oooooh, they even eggs that come from free range chickens…”

And then, I was officially grossed out.

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Remember way back on December 11th I wrote a letter to Regal Entertainment Group covering the atrocious condition of their Union Square movie theater???

Well, I’ve received word from them, and I sort of WON!!!

Last night I found this in my mail…

No, not a blurry camera phone photo, but a letter from Regal Entertainment Group…

This meant that I was finally able to put to good use the pewter letter opener that my grandmother brought me back from Norway some ten years ago…

Inside I found the Regal Entertainment Group’s letter begging and pleading that I go back and watch movies at their theater.  Seriously, it was folded almost perfectly by hand, they obviously showed that they really wanted to win me back.

“Please accept our sincere apologies.” 

Yeah…I totally won.  RRRRR, yeah!!!  UuuuugghhhAAAAA!  I’m a WINNER!!!

Not only that, but I found enclosed from them two complimentary passes…

I find it odd that the fronts of these passes say, “NO RESTRICTIONS ON THIS PASS”, while the back of the tickets reads, “Management may designate where holder is to be seated and reserves the right to revoke the license granted by this ticket.”

Call me crazy, but these tickets are in fact nothing more than complimentary passive aggressive free movies passes.  No restrictions…only reservations = restrictions at time of use only… 

Anyway, the best news about this hole thing, besides killing time at work writing the letter, paying for a 41 cent stamp, and in return receiving $23.50 worth of movie tickets…is that they gave me a direct phone number to call after I see the free movie!!!

So, and I’m guessing here….is that say something goes wrong in the theater again… MORE FREE TICKETS!!!

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The other night while in a group of friends the song Stay, by the exquisite Lisa Loeb came out of an iTunes shuffle. 

“YOU SAID THAT I WAS NAIVE AND….I THOUGHT THAT I WAS WRONG….HEY I BELIEVE, I BELIEVE, OOOOOH BUT NOW I KNOW THAT I WAS WRONG….I MISSED YOU!” Or something like that…

Yeah, THAT song.  At first it was a goof that everyone secretly loved and disliked at the same time, but I really do love that song, and her music. 

So I casually said, “I really love her Firecracker album.”  To which I received knee slapping laughter for, and “Oh you’re so funny, here’s all of my money, take it, it’s yours…” 

Okay, maybe things didn’t happen exactly like that, but it happened sort of along those lines.  I was being serious about my liking of Lisa Loeb music, and it was considered a joke. 

I mean, I actually find myself at times walking down a street alone, or on the subway and quietly singing her songs to myself in a falsetto.  I’m not annoyed by myself when I realize that I’m doing it, it’s actually quite nice, for me at least.

I just don’t get it sometimes… I get happenstances like this often enough, and, well, I just don’t know how to properly describe them, but I find them amusing. 

I think it’s definitely the counterbalance to the many times when my humor gets taken wrong and instead of laughter, I receive defensive words to what a person thought was an offensive sentence or two that should have been received as a joke.  Go figure…

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Friday night as I was passing a smoothie place on St. Marks (as if that wasn’t gross enough) I noticed this outdoor display of free smoothie samples.

They were right out on the sidewalk to the point that in order to walk on the sidwalke you need to step around them slightly, THAT’s how close they are to people, and that block of St. Marks is a block with EXTREMELY heavy foot and vehicle traffic. 

People coughing, sneezing, spitting, flipping their hair and whatnot very near to the open display.  Not the mention the pigeons flying around, and various exhaust from all of the vehicles.  My immediate thoughts were “DISGUSTING!”.

Just then as I whipped out my cellphone camera to snap a shot of the display a man and woman saw the very same disgusting public and unsanitary display of smoothie and shouted, “OOH YEAH!” and each grabbed one taste test and popped it in their mouths like a delicious shot of Maker’s Mark. 

I turned around with my tongue falling out of my mouth, trying not to dry heave, and said, “Awww poor things.”  “Why?”  “Cause they’re drinking smoothies…”. 

Then, I snapped that above first shot, then turned quick and took this shot…

It’s the back of the man and woman who each in their own rights have very low taste as far as what they should accept for free. 

Shame on them…

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While happily picking up a six pack of Bud Light at the corner bodega across from PS122 in the East Village I came across this display on the counter. 

In my already drunken stupor, all that I saw was a product called NRage, and had no idea what it could be.  I’ve since looked them up and found out that they are energy strips, but at the time all that I imagined it to be was some sort of small block or pill that would make anyone who had one go crazy.

I’m talking full on break skulls, turn over cars, and shatter glass with the bare eyes. 

I was both amazed, impressed, and humbled by seeing this NRage product.  As such I stayed far away from buying it, out of fear of waking up inside central booking somewhere cuffed to a wall. 

That wouldn’t have been a good night, so stay safe out there kids, especially around products called NRage!!! 

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I saw a foreign film called Atonement this past weekend.  It happens to be nominated for an Oscar, and the main reasons that I saw it was because No Country For Old Men was sold out, and because Cheese “heard” good things about it. 

I know that some of you may be saying, ”But that’s not a foreign film…”.  TRUST ME!!! Listening to various British accents when yourears can only easily recognize North American English for two hours absolutely qualifies as being foreign. 

It actually was an enjoyable movie after I woke up from a quick 30 second nap, this after a slow and dry first 20 minutes, hardly Oscar worthy, but the rest was of the film was good.  I guess it’s a slow Oscar year…Read:  DEFINITELY A FOREIGN FILM!!! 

On the plus side, I finally now know what Keira Knightly looks like….VA VA VA VOOM!  Sidenote, she’s FIVE years younger than me…based on looks I would think that she’s a good 15 to 20 years older than me, but then again, maybe I have a slanted view as to what my age is or what I look like or something.

Skip the rest of this post if you don’t want to get spoiled… the main and only point of the movie seem to be that if you end up causing a loved oneto go to prison for four years, the only way you’ll ever be atoned for your sins is for you to see part of a mans skull fall off exposing his brain briefly. 

Yeah…exactly…(rolls eyes)…

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I found this sign around 2:30AM on 01/26. 

I was walking across the street, shaking from the freezing cold weather, spotted this sign and bolted back across the street for it.  Part of me is beginning to wonder if the building’s super is at the beginnings of dementia. 

Hopefully not, because then I wouldn’t feel 100% comfy laughing at his signs, BUT if he is at the beginnings of dementia, I can sit back, smile, and know that the wackiest signs are yet to come. 

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I caught the first 15 or so minutes of tonight’s new episode of Rock of Love with Bret Michaels. 

 

After seeing the first season full of mostly young women, I think a better title for this second season would be MILF Hunting with Bret Michaels.

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Last night I played for the first time a game of flip cup, and holy cow!!!  That game is FUN!!!  And by game, I mean lots of games of it. 

Needless to say after several hours imbibing on beer, I was tired, drunk, and in need of a way home.  So I entered into the subway at Union Square, and as you can imagine, hilarity ensued. 

It was there that I met this garbage can who was peering off onto the tracks.

This dude was awesome.  He beat me three times in a row with staring contests, and it was as if he was looking right through me and onto the tracks.  When I finally checked, I saw a rat scurrying around through the rails and ties. 

While I didn’t ask, I’m almost certain that the two of them know each other quite well.

After about 15 minutes a Q train finally arrived to drag my body out to Brooklyn.  It was on this Q train that I saw 3 Musketeers riding in the very same car as me.

Half eaten, but still, none the less, 3 Musketeers were riding the late night subway connection of the Q train.

Eventually I got onto an N train that pulled me up to 59th Street to await an R late night shuttle.  It was while waiting on the 59th Street platform that I found this can of opened, but unpopped Pringles!

Seeing this can of Pringles made me wonder of the sadness that someone must have realized when found out that their unpopped can of Pringles, which they carried for miles on the subway, was left on the subway platform so perfectly…kind of sad, yet highly entertaining, at least to my drunken self.

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Here’s a shot of a fly on a leaf of some type of lemon verbena (I think). 

I love lines within the leaves, and the shine of this little bug; I think that the color would be a great color of a nice new car. 

Anyway, I remember that this fly just stayed on that one leaf for about an ten minutes.  I had never seen a fly stay in the same place for so long.  TOTAL COOLNESS!!!

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