On my way back from MoMa a couple of weekends ago a group of kids got onto the D train, and began to breakdance to a boombox.  This isn’t the norm for the subway, but I’ve definitely seen it before. 

What made it so special for me, was the fact that one of the kids couldn’t have been more than five years old.  Take a look…

 

Shorty is seen here in the white shirt holding onto the pole.

The older kids were teaching him how to do his moves, the kid could spin, do head stuff, some other cool arm tricks, and his only flaw…doing the butt scratch wrong.  Apparently there’s a proper way to do the butt scratch while break dancing, and he was still green behind the ears when it came to this…who knew?

Diablo Cody, the upper arm tattooed (which is totally hot – meow, Diablo, meow) writer and Oscar Award Winner for the film, Juno, has an awful hairstyle.

Here she is on the left. Take a look at the exaggerated version of one or possibly both forms of the Katie Cut. 

ICK!  BLEH!  POOP!

Her hairstyle, and anything of similar fashion, whether it be the Katie Cut or something else that is chop shopped long in the front and butchered in the back is the modern day female version of the mullet.

Mullet:  Business up front, party in the back.

Chop Shopped Katie Cut:  Glamorous in the front, butchered in the back.

Ladies, and more importantly hairdressers of the world, before you go out and get or give a copy of this or any other haircut, know what the original that you’re copying looks like in the back.  Knowing all sides of a hairstyle is key to cutting it properly.

And ladies, you’ll save yourself the rest of your life wondering how you could have walked around with such a lopsided lampshade of a haircut in 2007 and 2008, so please, stay away from this hairstyle.

I’ll make it no secret that I most likely have the world’s smallest bladder, and am incapable of holding things once the seal has been broken during and after the course of a few cocktails.

Given this knowledge, what do you think happened to me one night last week? 

I left a bar, had a cupcake, and then had to release what felt like all of the water of Lake Mead from my body.

In a near frantic state of mind I was looking for just about any bathroom to get to, and I finally found one in the form of a bar on 23rd.  As I was about to walk into it and casually use the bathroom, I noticed the sign on the door, “Bathroom is for paying customers only”.  Now with me being the honest fool that I am, I couldn’t bring myself to use the bathroom without buying a beer – and since I didn’t want to drink anymore, this meant that the bathroom there was out of the question.

At a brisk pace east down 23rd I passed the bar that I had been at, and didn’t go in to use their bathroom because, well, I didn’t want to be that guy that returned to the scene of the crime (booze) who says, “forgot to use the bathroom before I left, Heh.  Heh.  Heh!”

Instead, I tried my luck at the Chelsea Hotel, I’ve done the whole pee in a lobby bathroom of a hotel before, all that you need to do is play it smooth, as if you belong, and no one asks anything. 

The problem here wasthat the lobby is set up oddly narrow, and there’s little to no distance room to look for a doorway marked ”bathroom” so when Imade the casual right passed the front desk I was totally busted by the rather quintessential New Yorker of the 1970s. 

The guy wasn’t old, maybe 40, but he sure as heck had the vibe of New York in the 1970s, by way of The French Connection, which I find to be quite odd considering that they Chelsea is home to many an artist. 

Anyways, I was ready to just to the pee and walk, which I have never done, and can’t stand seeing people doing.  It’s flippin’ disgusting, and way worse than peeing on an enclosed subway car – which itself is disgusting.

Finally, like an oasis in the middle of a desert, I saw a Starbucks, and after a solid ten minutes of searching, I found myself a bathroom, and relieved myself - moaning with delight, of course.

That’s the face of a man who knows what he enjoys, especially after a few drinks.  Thank you, Starbucks.