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Most places of work have a thing called Summer Fridays, which is when you either get out at about 1PM or don’t come in every other Friday.  Now I’m not going to brag or anything, but, I totally got out early yesterday, and by early, I mean 4PM. 

We weren’t let go early due to the thing called Summer Fridays, no.  We were released early due to this…

See that CAT machine across the street?  Yeah?  Well as it was digging up the sidewalk across the street it managed to completely rip up the gas main - and it wasn’t the worst construction accident of the day in the city.

The emergency public address system came on to let us all know that our building was not in any immediate danger, despite that all of us were already under the assumption of there not being any danger or even had knowledge of a large gas main break.  We immediately flooded to the window and could see the gas escaping into the air by the way that the dirt and sand was blowing up into the air. 

Every couple of minutes the guy would come the P.A. system and say, “This is your building Fire Safety Manager” then there would be a long suspenseful delay in what came out next, and then he would repeat what he said earlier in that our building was safe - for now.

For all of the nearly daily testing that is done of the fire system - sometimes done with the most frantic of voices - despite there being a slight danger of fireball, I was utterly unfazed by the speaker and what the actual situation was for I’ve been numbed to the sounds of emergency in the office due to the constant testing, and I’m not the only one.  Congrats Fire Safety Director!

Now because of this most people in the building were pacing around freaking out thinking that we were all going to die, and because of this AND because of the fact that a half an hour of this went by late in the day on a Friday afternoon AND because it was gorgeous out we were all let out early at 4PM. 

Yeah…so just to let you all know it’s okay to be envious of my work hours…

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Here’s a shot of a big ball of an allium bloom. 

That bee kept flying and attacking this ball with great fury.  It was TOTAL COOLNESS!!!

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There are sometimes when I find myself in the mens room at work and am shocked by what I hear coming from other stalls.  Sometimes so much so that I need to bite tongue to keep myself from laughing up a storm - like I am in this poorly lit photo.

Don’t people know that there are people like me who will be two stalls over checking my email who will find farting echo farts in the form of machine gun fire really loud while grunting to be really, really hysterically funny!

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I keep seeing “R160″ spray painted all over the NYC subway system.  It’s literally all over the walls and floors of every single station.

While I’m almost certain that this is the work of people in the MTA for something to do with the still new-ish R160 Knight Rider trains, I can’t help but find the whole R160 tag to be the new Neck Face of NYC since it’s all over the place and wonderfully irreverent as Neck Face.

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There’s a little slice of heaven on Earth, and it’s on the Lower East Side.  It comes in the form of pastrami on rye.

Oh man, Katz’s Deli is just so good.  I’m still doubled over in drool in this morning after… 

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Yesterday I had a last minute guest to my cube and I needed to make it clean and presentable ASAP for the tard from Texas who needed to figure out what my team does, so that he could “streamline it” and “make it automated” - READ, fire us.

Anyway, it was laid out on me on the last minute, so I rushed to clean the nativity scene off of my monitor screen area.

Here’s the before…

Here’s the after…

Something told me that a random banker guy from Texas most likely wouldn’t find it amusing that I have the cast of characters that represent the divine birth laid out as a goof to be funny. 

I was correct in this thinking, and also managed to offend him by mentioning that people in Texas give u”s XYZ” wrongly.  When I said that he said, “WATCH IT NOW!  I’M FROM TEXAS!”

So yeah, banker guys from Texas with zero senses of humor do indeed have sticks up their butts.  No need to splurge on that multi-million dollar research study.

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The support beam on the furthest front portion of the Manhattan bound platform at 36th Street and 4th Avenue is usually a place that some moron keeps drawing swastikas and writes “kill fill in the blank of everyone who isn’t a white Christian”. 

Today the bigot decided to put up a more positive message…

Yes, it’s the same vandal and it’s even in the exact same marker!!! 

I really want to meet the person who writes this stuff and watch him or her mark up the beam with a swastika, see an Orthodox Jew, Asian and Black guy, yell about wanting to kill them, turn around see a white Christian looking guy and yell “And don’t do drugs!”

That’s one heck of a whirlwind of anger that the person is spewwing out nearly everyday.

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At first sight you wouldn’t be able to tell that the gal who sits across from me has had a kid, let alone four kids.  She asked me if I knew of any simple exercises that she could do at home to tighten her arms and butt.

I showed one for her arms, the one of simply dipping and raising yourself off the end of a couch.  For the butt tightening I showed her this…

I said, pretend I’m on all fours, and then do this with your leg so that it goes up.

She laughed until she cried, and I think that deep down inside she knew that I would be game enough to demonstrate the leg lift…I think that perhaps I was set up out of pure fun and amusement. 

The bright side is that my butt feels tighter already.

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No, not me silly, however, sometimes people just need to get things off their chest…

And writing it on a steel beam of the subway just makes sense to them. 

As for having seen a cumshot of blood in my life…let’s just say after a fisting while wearing a a Barney the dinosaur costume and being spanking by a gal dressed like an ancient Viking goddess…no comment, no comment.

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It looks as though there’s a big BIG fire right now on what looks to be the portion of the Triborough Bridge that connects to Manhattan….lots of thick black smoke considering we’re several mile away from it.

I say big fire based on the fact that I’m assuming it’s a vehicle on fire, and there’s a lot of smoke.

UPDATE!!!  It looks as thought the FDNY got water on the fire at about 2:40PM.

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I forgot my the password for my work email address today.  I hadn’t needed to use it in about two weeks because if I log it off it takes upwards of 20 minutes to get into, and since we’re not supposed to write passwords down I was out of luck.

I called the 800 number for a reset, clicked the option for email password resets, spoke to a guy who informed me of a different 800 number that I should call to have the password reset and told me I needed my top secret tech pin number too.

In all seriousness, Social Security Numbers are less secretive than this secret tech pin number. 

I had completely forgotten about that tech pin number, and sadly, despite having a ton of internal numbers that could prove who I am, nothing is able to get done without that secret tech pin number.  I racked my brain trying to figure it out, and then ten minutes later I finally remembered it. 

I called this second 800 number, followed the automation through the valley of 3, 2, 3, 2, 3 until I finally was at the option to change the password.  I found it would have been easier to just have had that first guy from the first 800 number be able to reset the password for me…but that’s just me…and then again… perhaps the first guy gets paid only by the minutes he is talking on the phone and is the reason why he rushed me off the phone? 

Anyway, the computer on this second 800 number spelled the new password out slowly.  I’m talking really slow. 

Uppercase P…as in Peter…

3…

8…

lowercase C as in Charles…

It kept on spitting out all of the numbers and letters until it came to the last letter.

NM….as in…nmoonist…

WTF!!?? 

It then proceeded to spit the entire combination out again without saying that it was repeating the combo, so I ended up writing the combo down two and a half times. 

I was left with the last character of my password being either an N or M for a word that I had never before in my life heard before.

I then logged into Outlook and was prompted to change my password.  Nothing took.  It wouldn’t let me update my Outlook password within the portion of Outlook that requests for a new password.

I then remembered about the new-ish internal website that exists to update Outlook passwords - the one that isn’t mentioned in the update password prompt or on either 800 number.

Long story longer…what used to take five minutes max to do when we used to have a person do the resets for us, now takes 45 minutes from start to finish in order to get done.  In a company of losing billions of dollars a quarter and firing most everyone who has been around 15 or more years is the norm, this shouldn’t surprise me, but it does.

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Here’s what I looked like at work when I was going delirious on the Friday afternoon before the long Memorial Day Weekend….

And for whatever reason, it is another in a string of fat faced photos that I’ve been taking of late.  It started in December when my commercial drivers license photo made me appear as though I looked to be at least 250lbs and for whatever reason I just haven’t been able to shake it.   

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There are some days that I wake up not wanting to go to work and need to fantasize about something absurd in order to get me motivated through the day. 

Today is definitely one of those days, and as of right now I’ll be fantasizing about me naked in a giant bowl of fresh, delicious guacamole. 

Yes indeed, a big, giant bowl of guacamole and me doing flips, handstands, and swimming around in it.  Oh man that would be an awesome day.

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I’ve been on a certain dating website for a couple of months now.  From what I’ve seen it’s mostly full of gals that I wouldn’t be into, but I continue to look at the profiles none the less in an attempt to perhaps maybe stumble across a good one. 

Every now and again I’ll see someone that I know in real life on there and try my best not to read their profiles.  I’d personally rather continue to see them how I see them than through their personality profile of weird - seriously sometime REALLY weird. 

Then the weirdest of the weird profiles popped up on this site.  I didn’t even know her really, but I knew of her.  She’s a certain former cast member from the Real World who was known to throw amazingly hysterical (yet funny to the viewer) tantrums on the show - and she now has gigantic boob implants!  

Her dream is basically to live in a heaven that has a never ending and constant open bar (I’m paraphrasing). 

So yeah, if you want a gal who will most likely get wasted on your first date, while dancing at a bar when nobody else is dancing, I bet she’s the looker that you’re looking for.

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I had to wear my asshole blockers Sunday night to try and fall back asleep at 1:20AM.

My next door neighbors appear to be under the impression that after their one year old baby has been crying for 20 minutes the best way to calm the baby down is to yell and curse at the top of their lungs at one another for five minutes about who should get up for the baby before one of them loses the battle and brings the crying baby into the bathroom which only makes the baby cries echo even louder. 

Something tells me that Baby Domenic is going to grow up to be a monster. 

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