This morning I witnessed the most pansy of subway arguments ever had in the subway. 

I had gotten on an Uptown V at 34th.  The train wasn’t too crowded, there was plenty of room towards the inner portions of the car, and yet it was blocked off by people who were taking up far too much space.  Specifically one white guy standing, reading a newspaper, and a bunch of white girls with their legs out too far. 

I loudly said, “Excuse me!” to make my way through, and ended up incidentally brushing hard up against a guy in his 40s who refused to give any room to allow my passing despite there being plenty of room behind him.

Once I was further in I began reading my book, and ended up getting a seat at Rockefeller Center.  As I sat there I began to hear it - the pansy fight.

“Go f*ck yourself!”

“Go f*ck yourself!”

I turned and saw the same white guy in his 40s who refused to give an inch to let me pass have anger in his eyes.

“Go f*ck yourself!”  He said again, while he shook his head in the “I’m so anry I’m shaking my head” way, he also brought his arms back in a “what are you going to do / somebody hold me back” pose.

The man who he was cussing at got in his face and said much quieter (and therefore much better), “Go f*ck yourself!”  This man was older, in his late 50s white, with white hair.

The younger of the two who looked like he’s never been in a fist fight in his life and spent his summers on yachts talking about boat shoes got angry red in his face.

“Oh yeah!  Go f*ck yourself!”  He said.  As he now pointed at the older guy while getting a little bit on the front of his toes, and then just stood there with the look of trying to think of something else to say while staying quiet. 

The older white guy was going to have none of it.  He got up on the tip top of his toes and said, “No, go f*ck yourself!” and pointed right smack in the middle of the younger white guys face. 

The younger white guy stood there nodding his head up and down, thinking of something else to say and made a sound like, “hkyeeh?” while visibly still having the look of thinking of something to say and coming up with nothing still all over his face.

That was the end of their “fight”.  The then just stood there reading their newspapers and both got off at 5th Avenue and went to work (presumably) at their ad agencies and or banks.

I really wished that it could have gone on longer, for it was hysterical the “fighting” that they were doing.  They were definitely the type of white people that black stand up comics generalize as being all white people, and I’m sure that both of them went into work today with this big story of how they got into a big fight on the subway this morning.

It made my day.