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No, not the hard alcohol that only drunk people would want to consume…a real live wild turkey on Lower Manhattan! 

Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to introduce you to Zelda!

Yes, she looks delicious!

Zelda is the resident turkey of Battery Park and I saw her yesterday down by the Sphere and eternal flame at around 5:30 in the afternoon rain. 

I wonder why and how she chose to live down in the park?

I’m still awaiting that fateful day when I stumble across a zebra in Union Square.

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Check out this optical illusion…

It looks as though it’s something that hung on the wall and kept my mind occupied throughout high school sequential math, thereby leading to my never actually learning the FOIL method.

In reality, it’s a tight shot of a Wachovia Securities building downtown Manhattan.

My eyes are officially crossed!

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I went to the Statue of Liberty for the first time in my life yesterday as part of my Summer of Tourist Eric. 

Despite having grown up here there are a ton of sights that I’ve never been to and it’s about time I have.  I never knew that she was so flat in the butt and breast regions, or that her hands are freakishly large in comparison to her face.

After checking out Liberty Island (and getting a frosty) it looked as though the weather guy on the morning news was correct and that it was going to thunderstorm, twice. 

The first storm came about as low dark clouds began rolling in from New Jersey, lightning and thunder were all overhead so date and I decided to wait it out inside the dry confines of the brick and masonry information building. 

Other tourists rushed to get to the statue so that they could remain dry and “safe” inside of the giant copper statue that also happens to be the tallest object around for thousands of yards!  Yes, you heard correct, they said…

“Hey look, lightning!  We better get inside this giant copper statue for safety!” 

It’s only a matter of time before those very same people win a Darwin Award. 

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I had some Tsingtao beer from China yesterday because I was feeling all worldly and when in Rome (or Chinatown)…

And think that it tastes like a non alcoholic version of Heineken. 

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My neighbor is in the process of doing some construction on the front of his place and decided to get new planters for his entryway.  This meant that he was getting rid of the 80 plus year old cement planter my neighbor inherited from the previous tenant,knowing my love of gardening and the like, my neighbor offered me up his old cement planter.

Now in part this might sound like a really nice thing for him to have done, but if I did not accept the free offer it would have meant that my neighbor was going to have to take a hammer and chisel to it for a good ten minutes to dismantle it.

Neighbor offered to help lift the 70 or so pound planter to which I wanted none of.  I put on sandals, went to neighbors front garden lifted, and OUCH!!!  The planter scraped along my toenail!

Oh the horror!

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Today marks the second anniversary of BeehiveHairdresser. 

We’ve come a long way from me sitting in that cube outside the office of that really mean executive who I worked for briefly before quitting due to being bored out of my mind and not wanting to get yelled at for no good reason other than simply being the person closest to her office - which by the by was the second time I was knowingly hired because of my physical appearance, seriously.

I’ve made friends and (unbelievably) enemies because of BeehiveHairdresser, as well as helped my neighborhood finally put one giant loudmouth bigoted jerk in his place - and what a ride it has been. 

Thank you all for stopping by and reading because seeing the numbers of people who stop by each day and how they grow is truly exciting.     

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Daisy!  With a tiny ant on one of the white petals…

I love having daisies in my garden.  I have three different types of daisies so that I can get several months worth of bloom each year. 

These first bloomers were just wonderful this year and I’ve already harvested some of their seeds before cutting off the rest of the spent blooms.  Five plus weeks of sexy blooms is TOTAL COOLNESS!!!

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Scientists say that the North Pole could melt completely this summer.*

I found it interesting that the article fails to mention the fate of Santa, whether or not he knows how to swim, and where or not he has begun to train his reindeer to be in tip top flying condition - it is their off season, and reindeer are known to fatten up and be drunk most of the time.

Word on the street is that Santa has placed a distress call and has postponed Christmas for this year.

Hopefully the above rendering of what Santa will most likely look like on August 4th doesn’t end up being his true fate.

*Honestly, who calls himself a scientist?  The whole story sounds fishy to me based off of their title. 

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And then there happens a conversation that shows just how lacking my coworker is in the common knowledge department.

Coworker:  Eric, can you take a look at this spreadsheet?  It looks all wrong and I think it’s out of order.

I looked and saw that all the information was where it should be and that it was sorted in date order for the previous year with January on top and December at the bottom. 

Eric:  What’s going on with it?

Coworker:  The months are all out of order.  How do I fix it?

Eric:  What months look out of order?

Coworker:  Look, six is up here and 12 is down over here. 

Eric:  Okay.  Six is for June and 12 is for December.

Coworker:  Exactly so the order is wrong.

Eric:  When do you think a year begins?

Coworker looks at me silently confused and deep in thought.

Coworker:  Is it January 1st because of New Years?

Eric:  Yes.

Coworker:  But that doesn’t have anything to do with June and December.  It’s still out of order.  How do I fix it?

Eric:  The calendar month goes January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November and lastly December.  The spreadsheet is in order.

Coworker looks even more confused about this whole month order thing actually matching up with what is already on the spreadsheet.

Coworker:  But I thought that December comes before June each year…

The fact that she is 31 years old and a high school graduate and a passer of the United States Citizenship Test is not the scariest thing about this - she is raising four kids! 

The future is doomed!

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Yesterday at work I was on my way to the restroom before I headed off for better pastures.  I was a good ten feet from the bathroom door when I heard an audible pained squeal. 

“Is that coming from the restroom?”  I thought with a smile on my face, because it would be funny if I heard such a loud sound twenty feet from the stalls to a set of two doors with four feet in between then and then another ten feet past the outer door. 

I walked in the first door and heard nothing, the second, nothing, and then I got to the third sink and heard the desperate whimpering of a man in the last stall.

Based on the quick breathing I guessed that he was not in a good place. 

Have you ever watched a black belt in karate tear apart a big phone book with his bare hands?  You know how the black belt breathes fast, loud and deep?  Well that’s what I heard the entire time that I was at the urinal taking care of business - that along with the intermitant desperate shallow cries of “Oh God!”

I almost began to think that the man in the last stall wasn’t alone or perhaps he was pleasuring himself until I heard what sounded to be pure 100% liquid coming out of his behind. 

I was done and went to go wash my hands while barely being able to hold my laughter in.  While I washed my hands the guy who sits next to me entered and went to a different stall, I left with tears of laughter rolling down my face.

I NEED to know who was in that last stall…hopefully I will have answers today.

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Tonight I received my third telescammer voicemail onto my cell phone in the last six weeks. 

This scam shows 802-759-2575 being the number that the call comes through from, and was involving some sort of vehicle identification fraud.  It was a male voice was requesting that I press 1 for my vehicle policy or that I press 9 to have me removed from the listing.

I’m dying to get one of these calls and actually get the person on the line…

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There’s a guy that works on my floor who very much reminds me of Lloyd* from Entourage. 

While I sure as heck cannot confirm if my coworker is gay like the television character, he has a striking resemblance to Lloyd, is light on his feet, smiles and blushes a little when we pass in the hall. 

I have no idea what his actual name is and whenever I see him I just want to scream out (and have to stop myself), LLOYD!

*Why is the photo on Lloyd’s wiki page of him red and bleary eyed drunk?

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Last night my friend greeted me with a surprise extra Jose Cuervo chocolate that she scored from her job.

I’ve never had one before, I popped it in my mouth and oh boy.  So good. 

All morning I’ve been dreaming of the deliciousness that was and now I want to get a giant bin full of individually wrapped tequila filled chocolates, keep it on my desk and watch as I become the most popular person in the office within a matter of 15 minutes.

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Last night I was to meet up for some delicious Shake Shack. 

I had never been but have heard of ridiculously long lines for it, and if there’s one thing I usually don’t do, it’s ridiculously long lines.  There are hundreds of place to eat good food, drink and have a good time within most neighborhoods, so I just don’t see the point.  

Anyway, my best guess is that I was number 250 - 300 on a line that stretched far, real far.  This meant that once my friend arrived we booked it to a bar for buffalo burgers, YUM!

When I first stepped on the line I was behind a group of European tourists who kept looking at me as if I was invading their personal space.  They kept turning around and giving me dirty looks, this despite my giving them plenty of room to take stupid photos of themselves in Madison Square Park.

Eventually more and more people got on line behind me, and that’s when said European tourists realized that they had been taking photos of themselves while standing on a line for a solid seven minutes.

What’s to be learned here?

Tourists are becoming dumber by the day…

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I was recently out on a date and she informed me that she has never seen The Karate Kid Part III…WHA!?!??!????

Not only that, but she thought that there were only two Ralph Macchio Karate Kid movies and a third being the Hilary Swank one…and she was not kidding…

AND!!! To make things even more unbelievable she thought that I was goofing around and telling a white lie about this third Karate Kid movie…SHEESH!

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