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Yesterday evening while I was out and about the garden taking photos and trying to avoid getting stung by the many bees I noticed something I’ve never seen before.

It was something crawling on a hyssop bloom.

See that thing sticking out on the right side of the bloom?  Well, it’s alive!  And most likely going to crawl into your ear and suck your brain out - or not.

See as it gets closer to your brain below…

In all likelihood it was an inch worm? 

I’m not really sure though because it didn’t really move officially like an inch worm and it was covered in the blooms of he hyssop. 

It was as if the hyssop came to life and began to crawl away.

RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

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I’ve been hearing from lots of people that they believe that Heath Ledger should win an Oscar for his role as Joker in The Dark Knight because “you can’t see Heath Ledger in Joker”.

As great of a movie The Dark Knight is and as incredible the character of Ledger’s Joker was, I just don’t feel as though Ledger deserves an Oscar for this role.

I think that the costumes, wardrobe, and make-up people should definitely be up for and win an Oscar for The Dark Knight because they all did a tremendous job - because as everyone says, you can’t see Heath Ledger in Joker - and they all certainly helped make that possible.

The main reason why he shouldn’t win an Oscar is because there is no arc or range to his character.

This is not to say that Ledger’s portrayal of Joker as a one trick pony of sadistic loon wasn’t a good one (it was in fact an awesome portrayal) but at the end of the day that’s just all that it was - a one trick pony of sadistic loon. 

If you look back at who won the Best Supporting Oscar you’ll see that all of the winning characters portrayed showed more than one side of the character personality. 

For instance, no matter how bad the character of Tommy DeVito (Joe Pesci in Goodfellas) was supposed to be, at the end of the day you as the viewer were able to see him as being a crazed murderer and flamboyant playboy as well as a loving son and friend - it’s called range and giving the character an arc. 

Range and arc is exactly what was missing from the acting and character of Joker, and just because Ledger gave a hell of a performance full of range as Ennis Del Mar in Brokeback Mountain it certainly doesn’t mean that he should get the Oscar for this much less developed character. 

And if we are going to start giving away the Oscar for roles years ago, Ledger would have to get online behind John Lithgow for his role in The World According to Garp - as well countless other people.

So there you have it, as unpopular an opinion as it is, Heath Ledger should not win an Oscar for Joker.

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Sometimes I get really bored with my job to the point that it appears as though I am about to fall of my chair - yet I do manage to get all the work done.  A gal who works on the other side of my floor noticed me ready to fall the other day with my legs spread far out away from my chair and decided to help me out…

It was just about the nicest thing someone has done for me at work in a really, really, really long time…

That’s serious comfort!

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It’s HUGE and delicious!

Hehe…and it’s so big that it’s almost a little embarrassing to look at…

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I won two tickets to a Major League Soccer game on Monday from 93.1 AMOR - yes, that’s right SPANISH RADIO!!!

[Actual note of glory!  “I WON!  take a listen!  (seriously)]

My Spanish speaking coworker had been trying to win things for weeks to no avail, and on my second chance of trying I won by way of a simple google search and email of the answer.

The basic question asked (in Spanish) was “68% of grandparents prefer to do this…?”

Answer (in English by way of email), “68% would rather stay in a hotel room than with their grandkids.”

I don’t speak much Spanish and I had to go to Xaverian summer school in 1995 for failing Spanish my freshman year of high school foreign language requirement.

The only two things that I remember learning that summer was (a) never take some random pills that people tell you to take - drugs will F you up, and (b) that my super hot and tanned teacher who wore mini skirts named Ms. Nau hated having body hair and removed everything…a 15 year olds wet dream I tell you.

So when I was asked on the air to say something in Spanish “Yo soy la biblioteca en la dolor de estamago”  is the gibberish that came out of my mouth to which DJ Gloria laughed at in enjoyment.

And then when asked what my favorite radio station was I gladly shouted 93.1 AMOR!!!  to which my coworkers all gave a burst of really loud laughter since they all knew that I’ve never even listened to it once!

Yeah, a gringo won the Spanish radio contest without even listening - go me!

So then when I went yesterday to pick up the tickets I was shocked to find that the station is recorded out of a small townhouse in Midtown.

I thought it was part of an Embassy next door due to all of the bars and locks on it.  When I finally finagled my way into the lobby the receptionist gave me the look of “Yeah right gringo, you won?”

Needless to say, Monday was by far the best day of my life with Tuesday being the second best.

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I found this subway ad on 53rd and 5th and it has a faux King King attacking Long Island City, and more particularly the building that I work in!!!

The old movie style poster almost makes Long Island City seem like an appealing place to be - but if you’ve actually been there you know the neighborhood actually looks like this…

It sure as heck seems as though the artist in the subway advertisement took some liberties when drawing Long Island City…

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The Twinkie proves that there I will never travel back in time.

That’s correct and it will prove to you whether or not you’ll be able to travel back in time in your lifetime as well.

It’s quite simple, I’ve been craving a Twinkie for the past couple of weeks, usually at work.  I’m too lazy to go down and get a Twinkie, but not too lazy to write it down that I wanted a Twinkie on July 16th at 3:30 in the afternoon.  I also wrote down where I was that moment and where the most shocking and unbelievable places to find a Twinkie would be, and looked there.

If there was a magical Twinkie there waiting for me with a note from myself that read, “Don’t worry, I had a good laugh while placing this Twinkie here for you!  I’m sure you understand.” then I would have known that I would eventually be able to travel back in time one day.

Sadly, there were no Twinkies in the drawers or overhead of my cube, or any of my coworkers, and I didn’t even FedEx myself a Twinkie.  Nothing.

So there you have it.  If you’ve ever wondered if you’ll one day get to travel back in time just think of some random food (preferably Twinkies, since they’re small enough to carry easily) that you’d like to have at some random place and if you find it there then you’re in luck - you get to travel back in time one day.  Then do the same thing around some friends and freak them out, and to make it certain that they believe you leave them something that they’d be up to eat as well.

Twinkies - they’re our best hope of finding the secrets to traveling back in time.

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YAAARRRRRG!!!

I’m Admiral Frisbee Hat!

And that ladies and gentlemen is what one ends up doing when finding a random frisbee in the office. 

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My grandmother has been back in the hospital for the last week or so (another 30 plus hours in the ER waiting for a “real”  room).

When I saw her on Saturday evening she told me WAY TOO MUCH INFO.  Like, for real you, might want to turn off your computer, walk away, and never come back to it again to save your mind from exploding.

Still reading out of curiosity?

Well, let me just say that I’ve warned you - I didn’t get any warning she just blurted it out.

Anyway, after wandering through the hospital for a solid 15 minutes trying to find her way out of the way (and quiet) room I walked in to find her alone in her double room, laying in bed, under the covers, with the television off and looking worried up at the ceiling.

See, she’s 88 years old and despite the fact that her mother lived to be 100 she doesn’t think that her years are going to be much more than three or four.  I assumed that she was thinking that this was the worst and possibly the end for her. 

I on the other hand have seen enough loved ones go through the death march by way of hospital and know when it’s getting towards the end - I don’t lie to myself about such things, and unless something comes out of left field I expect my grandmother to be around for a lot longer.

Back to point, I walked in and had the following conversation…

Eric the BeehiveHairdresser:  Hi Grandma!  What’s up?  How are you feeling?

Grandma:  Oooh, well.  I’m alright, but I’m having such trouble passing my stool.

It was right at this moment that I stopped speaking and the italicized words are what I thought and wanted to say but didn’t.

EBH:  I hope she doesn’t get light headed and pass out when it finally passes.

Grandma:  And you know, it’s because I have such a small rectum.

EBH:  What the f*ck?

Grandma:  It’s just too narrow and small to get the stool through.  It doesn’t fit!

EBH:  Seriously, she is NOT having this conversation with me…

Grandma:  And my hemorrhoid only hinders it more.

EBH:  Oh no she didn’t...

Grandma:  I didn’t have my dinner and I can’t eat anything because there’s no room for it to go.

EBH:  Please…stop…

Grandma:  If nothing comes out the bottom, nothing can go in the top…

EBH:  Is she legitimately trying to get me to laugh now?

Now my grandmother became angry.

Grandma:  I had asked for a suppository at 9:30 yesterday morning and I didn’t get one until past 6:00 at night!  I was full all day!

EBH:  She can’t have much more of this to say, can she?

Grandma:  And then when I put it in it was so hard to get and stay in because the hemorrhoid.  Then only water came out.

Thank God her doctor came in so she stopped this conversation of ours, although she then repeated it to him only with adding, “you know how I am”.

SHUDDER…

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That one little seed that I planted back in March has grown into an adult and is now ready to show itself off to the world…

That seed was a “Godzilla” Sunflower seed  and it has now grown to be well over eight feet tall!

While eight feet tall sounds tall, it’s actually a small for a Godzilla - they can grow up to 14 feet tall!!!

I’m not complaining, this thing is flippin’ HUGE with each leaf being about a foot wide and the besides this main bloom the offshoot secondary budding blooms are looking to be pretty cool too.

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So you want to be a blogger, eh?

Well I have news for you, you’re going to need a good blogger photo to be the face of your blog first.  I know this to be true because I’ve been around the block a few times and have seen pretty up any and all blogger photos imaginable.

There are some basics that need to be covered while posing for your blogger photo so that you end up with a “good” one, and they tend to be the following:

• Self Portraits.
• Overly Serious Face.
• Accessorize!  Accessorize!  Accessorize!
• Punch Up Your Lips.
• Semi Side Angle Shot That Reads, “I’m hot“.

All of these five of these items are absolutely necessary to have in your blogger photo add up to what eventually becomes a quintessential blogger photo - in other words…completely and utterly self absorbed, idiotic and just plain old narcissistic.

So now that I’ve filled you all in on what goes into “the shot” I’ll let you know one last thing - you’re going to need to take numerous shots in order to find that perfect one that speaks to you most…

So yeah…as you can obviously tell, I take nothing but great photos and it will just be an awful burden to narrow these twenty down to a final four and then that single winner - life is tough when you’re blessed!

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So our local squirrel IT couple is back and grabbing the headlines…this time with a hot late afternoon date/bath on the telephone poles.

It’s about dominance over the old telephone pole.

Whoa!!! Check out Action Jackson there!

This one decided to go up to the top of the new telephone pole instead of fighting for the old one - they’re so smart!

Ready…Set…

CLEAN!!!

And here’s the bath-off just a short ten or so feet from one another (follow the cables on the top right for the original old pole from the first photo)…

I’m 99% certain that my neighbors across the backyard have now labeled me photographic pervert thinking that I’m taking pictures of them inside their homes - they’re oblivious to anything remotely nature related.

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That’s right kiddos!  (And by kids I mean middle aged adult white men with bald patches)

According to this subway ad you (middle aged balding white men) should all be someone else by drinking Absolut Vodka (bottles and bottle of it, responsibly of course - I presume) and by doing so you’ll get the chance to be Kanye!

Seeing as I spotted this ad on the R train, as soon as I got off at 23rd Street I said, “Screw Home Depot!  I’m getting wasted and going to become black.”

Thank you, Absolut Vodka for an afternoon on drunken stooper in a gutter!  I was SO feeling as though I looked like Kanye, but that may have been the black face…

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It was a Sunday Soaker yesterday in my little neck of the world…

Again, thanks to the help of my new toy camera I was able to catch some drops dripping from an outdated cable attached to my place.

And those drips from the pussywillow leaves.

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There’s nothing like having a second piece of a first birthday ice cream cake.

YUM!

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