I found this subway ad on 53rd and 5th and it has a faux King King attacking Long Island City, and more particularly the building that I work in!!!

The old movie style poster almost makes Long Island City seem like an appealing place to be – but if you’ve actually been there you know the neighborhood actually looks like this…

It sure as heck seems as though the artist in the subway advertisement took some liberties when drawing Long Island City…

The Twinkie proves that there I will never travel back in time.

That’s correct and it will prove to you whether or not you’ll be able to travel back in time in your lifetime as well.

It’s quite simple, I’ve been craving a Twinkie for the past couple of weeks, usually at work.  I’m too lazy to go down and get a Twinkie, but not too lazy to write it down that I wanted a Twinkie on July 16th at 3:30 in the afternoon.  I also wrote down where I was that moment and where the most shocking and unbelievable places to find a Twinkie would be, and looked there.

If there was a magical Twinkie there waiting for me with a note from myself that read, “Don’t worry, I had a good laugh while placing this Twinkie here for you!  I’m sure you understand.” then I would have known that I would eventually be able to travel back in time one day.

Sadly, there were no Twinkies in the drawers or overhead of my cube, or any of my coworkers, and I didn’t even FedEx myself a Twinkie.  Nothing.

So there you have it.  If you’ve ever wondered if you’ll one day get to travel back in time just think of some random food (preferably Twinkies, since they’re small enough to carry easily) that you’d like to have at some random place and if you find it there then you’re in luck – you get to travel back in time one day.  Then do the same thing around some friends and freak them out, and to make it certain that they believe you leave them something that they’d be up to eat as well.

Twinkies – they’re our best hope of finding the secrets to traveling back in time.

YAAARRRRRG!!!

I’m Admiral Frisbee Hat!

And that ladies and gentlemen is what one ends up doing when finding a random frisbee in the office. 

My grandmother has been back in the hospital for the last week or so (another 30 plus hours in the ER waiting for a “real”  room).

When I saw her on Saturday evening she told me WAY TOO MUCH INFO.  Like, for real you, might want to turn off your computer, walk away, and never come back to it again to save your mind from exploding.

Still reading out of curiosity?

Well, let me just say that I’ve warned you – I didn’t get any warning she just blurted it out.

Anyway, after wandering through the hospital for a solid 15 minutes trying to find her way out of the way (and quiet) room I walked in to find her alone in her double room, laying in bed, under the covers, with the television off and looking worried up at the ceiling.

See, she’s 88 years old and despite the fact that her mother lived to be 100 she doesn’t think that her years are going to be much more than three or four.  I assumed that she was thinking that this was the worst and possibly the end for her. 

I on the other hand have seen enough loved ones go through the death march by way of hospital and know when it’s getting towards the end – I don’t lie to myself about such things, and unless something comes out of left field I expect my grandmother to be around for a lot longer.

Back to point, I walked in and had the following conversation…

Eric the BeehiveHairdresser:  Hi Grandma!  What’s up?  How are you feeling?

Grandma:  Oooh, well.  I’m alright, but I’m having such trouble passing my stool.

It was right at this moment that I stopped speaking and the italicized words are what I thought and wanted to say but didn’t.

EBH:  I hope she doesn’t get light headed and pass out when it finally passes.

Grandma:  And you know, it’s because I have such a small rectum.

EBH:  What the f*ck?

Grandma:  It’s just too narrow and small to get the stool through.  It doesn’t fit!

EBH:  Seriously, she is NOT having this conversation with me…

Grandma:  And my hemorrhoid only hinders it more.

EBH:  Oh no she didn’t...

Grandma:  I didn’t have my dinner and I can’t eat anything because there’s no room for it to go.

EBH:  Please…stop…

Grandma:  If nothing comes out the bottom, nothing can go in the top…

EBH:  Is she legitimately trying to get me to laugh now?

Now my grandmother became angry.

Grandma:  I had asked for a suppository at 9:30 yesterday morning and I didn’t get one until past 6:00 at night!  I was full all day!

EBH:  She can’t have much more of this to say, can she?

Grandma:  And then when I put it in it was so hard to get and stay in because the hemorrhoid.  Then only water came out.

Thank God her doctor came in so she stopped this conversation of ours, although she then repeated it to him only with adding, “you know how I am”.

SHUDDER…

That one little seed that I planted back in March has grown into an adult and is now ready to show itself off to the world…

That seed was a “Godzilla” Sunflower seed  and it has now grown to be well over eight feet tall!

While eight feet tall sounds tall, it’s actually a small for a Godzilla – they can grow up to 14 feet tall!!!

I’m not complaining, this thing is flippin’ HUGE with each leaf being about a foot wide and the besides this main bloom the offshoot secondary budding blooms are looking to be pretty cool too.