I went to the aquarium over this past weekend with a nephew and while watching the seal show I was quite taken aback by the juxtaposition of the trainers.

See, while the announcer was doing her spiel in the tone of “I used to be one of the kids on Barney” sort of way, the trainers each would run around the pool giving the signals for the seals to do the proper trick.

The first trainer up was the trainer who I was internally calling, Token Gay Trainer. 

Assuming that he would be the trainer throughout the entire show I figured the show would be quite fun to watch since he was over the top flamboyant about he way he was working with the seal – think Siegfried and Roy, only minus the Liberace glam.

Perhaps the two trainers were given equal time, but the male trainer’s time seemed to come and go too soon. 

Before I knew it Token Gay Trainer was done with his fun and exciting seal routine, and he walked offstage – I wanted to see more of Token Gay Trainer (yes, he was that much better of a trainer/entertainer) do more tricks with the seals.

Up next came the second trainer who by the end of the show I was referring to as being, Token S&M Trainer.

While Token S&M Trainer is all smiles in this photo, that smile came directly after a public spanking by that seal!

Yes, that trainer actually spent lots of time to train the seal to pick up on a signal to mosey on over beside her, and then proceed to spank her with it’s right flipper on her left buttcheek!

I’ve seen a lot of crazy and out there things done publicly and it takes a lot to shock me, however, in this case I really just wanted to leave them be to themselves.  Then her “act” went on for what seemed to be forever and a day.

Call me crazy, but Token S&M Trainer sure came across as a regular old Marv Albert!

The Ikea of Red Hook is a magical place.

No, the store itself is a big box full of crap that sheep still fall in love with.  It’s the little parkland that they opened up down on the old docks that is so full of magic.

More specifically, these giant metal lounge chairs!

After walking the four miles to Ikea from Downtown Brooklyn, and then through the vomitorium Ikea itself, my legs were up for a break, and as welcome a sight as these lounge chairs were, they were made of metal and sitting in the hot sun.

Metal + Sitting In Sun = Burning Hot!

Despite knowing that the surface would most likely burn me to the touch, girlfriend and I wanted a seats so bad that we had to touch them just to see how hot they were in hopes that we would only receive 2nd degree burns from them if we sat down.

Surprise!!!

The metal that the chairs are made of it MAGIC!

Like, for real Harry Potter magic!

The metal chairs and tables felt as though they were a cool 65 degrees.  Plenty cool enough to not only lounge on, but also actually help cool us off.

PLUS!  The chairs are magically large.  I’m talking two people wide, with room at the end near the feet for a St. Bernard to sleep.

It’s MAGIC!

New neighbors moved into the apartment next door to me this month.  From what I can tell there is a mother, a father, a girl about ten years old, and perhaps a teenage boy or two.

They’ve been extremely quiet as compared to the previous neighbors who had two nonstop crying kids and who argued nonstop.  I appreciate their quiet, a lot!

There’s apparently good reason for this quiet of theirs – they’re stoners!

When they’re not high they’re quiet as can be, but when high or smoking up, they don’t shut up!

At least they don’t get this crappy type of weed either…

They get the real deal delicious weed.  The good stuff like this…

Seriously, from what I’ve smelled so far they have but good connections.

Now I really don’t care what you someone does in their own home, and weed is something that is acceptable in more homes with children than some might want to believe.  I quite honestly don’t care if people smoke up in their own place, however, I do care about when people smoke up and have all of their smoke enter my place.

I walked into my kitchen and it was one giant cloud of bong hit.

Turns out my neighbors enjoy smoking up in their kitchen with their window open at about 11PM.  The only problem being that their kitchen window shares a courtyard with my kitchen and bathroom windows, and I can’t have illegal substances in my system due to workplace drug testing…

So, since they seem to be of the mold of “What I do in my home is my business because it’s my liberty!” – despite it keeping me from my enjoying own liberty – I’ve decided that what I do in my home is my business too!

I’ve decided that when I wake up in the morning at 6:30, I need to the blast screaming metal sounds of Kittie and the like in my kitchen with the window wide open.

I sure hope that the neighbors appreciate people having the right to do whatever they want in their own home!