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Someone or multiple people broke into my place over the weekend.  Thankfully nobody was hurt, nothing was stolen from my place, and I didn’t have to get arrested for having killed an intruder in self defense.

For the many of you readers who have no idea of my living situation, I live on the first floor of a legal two family row house that my grandparents bought in 1940, with my mother living on the second floor and the basement being unfinished.

Anyway, after work on Friday evening I saw Janice do a poetry reading and ate dinner at a fine place called Sevilla in the West Village, after that I slept over at Girlfriend’s place.

I arrived back at my place around 10AM on Saturday morning and opened all of the windows - having not noticed a thing was broken into I ate a bowl of cereal.  At the very end of my cereal the inside bell that my mother and I use to call each other rang.

I checked the back stairway to see what she wanted and she told me to take a look out my back windows and that she thinks someone broke into the basement.

I opened the screen in my bedroom and saw that a tomato cage was holding up the sash to a cut screen of a basement window and that a security bar that my grandfather had installed was laying on the cement in the backyard - undone and ripped out of the window frame - this meant that there was plenty of room for someone to crawl through the window.

I immediately shouted for my mother to call the police and I grabbed a baseball bat in case I ran into an intruder who was still around.

I then put on the main basement lights for the cops, shouted down that the cops were on their way and for whomever was down there to make their escape immediately.  I heard my mother walk down the stairs and wait outside for the cops.  I then locked the basement door, locked my cat into a room, and then hung my head out of the open window directly above the window that was broken into.

Part of me was hoping to catch someone crawling out so that I could beat the crap out of them with the baseball bat - this is a fantasy that most guys I know have - to find someone having broken into their place and then go apesh!t on them with a gun or bat.

In hindsight I’m not sure if I really would have actually hit someone with the bat, but when the cops arrived in my bedroom roughly two minutes later they asked what I was doing and I told them that I was hoping to get a piece of an intruders head - so I guess in the instant of real time, I would have killed the person by way of bashing their head in with the bat had I caught them.

With a dozen cops in my place they moved down to the basement for a search - nobody was there, and the intruder(s) didn’t appear to take anything.

The intruder(s) did however take a spill when they got inside my workout room…

They apparently climbed through the window on the left - notice the bottom security bar missing from it - placed a foot on the Bowflex leg press extension, and then fell to the right knocking over the arm curl extension, an scraping the white paint and junk off of the wall.

Needless to say this meant that my Saturday was shot for the most, leaving me to reattach the security bar, board up the windows with 3/4 plywood and add some new deadbolts to my workout room.  I also tarred up the security bars in hopes that if they returned Saturday night they’d be a tarred up mess - new windows and security bars that go into the bricks will be on in a couple of weeks…

So yeah, I’m fine for the most.  I don’t actually feel as though I’ve been violated, which I think is because they didn’t get into either apartment and I can only wonder what they were after since they didn’t even take the boombox that was right there in that room.

After taking the events in for a day, I think that more than anything I’m annoyed that I wasn’t home to have had the chance to plant an ax in the back of somebody similar to “Burn After Reading”.  Sure the person had a knife of some kind, and in my imagination nothing bad happens to me, but damn, I missed the opportunity that most men dream of…

This entry was posted on Monday, October 6th, 2008 at 5:28 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.