The Gardener’s Butt Plug

We received this wooden tool as a Christmas stocking stuffer from our wife.

butt plug

“You got me a butt plug?!?!”


“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure.  That’s a gardening tool.  It measures by the inch how deep  you are in the dirt.  It’s great for helping dig and measure for bulbs.”

We do believe, that if left unattended, this tool would easily be mistaken for a butt plug.  We believe this so much so, that we plan to leave this seemingly unattended on the border of our garden, near the sidewalk, and watch as someone goes to take it home with them — because they want to stick it up their butt.  Then we will follow them, tap them on their shoulder, and politely ask for our used butt plug back.  That’ll teach thieves.

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