You are currently browsing the archives for the I Hate NYC category

I Hate NYC #56 – Amateur Drunks Wasting Pizza

September 25, 2011 I Hate NYC / Street Art
No comments

We wish that we had a personal photographer following us when we came upon this sad scene, because we would have turned to them and had a quiet tear falling down our cheek a la the Crying Indian.

This Sunday morning visual of an indecisive late Saturday night full of poor decisions was a horror to find.

Some drunks just don’t know how to handle their alcohol.  First they put mushrooms, olives and jalapeno peppers on perfectly good pizza, then they couldn’t even finish eating it.  It’s a darn shame.

Life lesson #1,238 is that when one is drunk in New York City and in need of food at 4AM, you order regular pizza (though pepperoni, sausage, eggplant and chicken pizza is acceptable if available) and you must eat what you buy – even if you know that you’re going to upchuck it before bed.

I Hate NYC #55 – Pandering To The Middle

December 22, 2010 I Hate NYC
No comments

If it weren’t for tourists and the living dead who move to NYC “for the experience” who need to try to be like a New Yorker, this BK Whopper Bar in Times Square would not exist.

If you need us, you’ll find us at the local Dave & Buster’s –  you know, where all of the “real” New Yorkers who you came to see and emulate hang out.  We’ll be holding our annual making fun of people trying to hail down an occupied cab event.

I Hate NYC #54 – Poorly Timed Impatience

November 9, 2010 I Hate NYC
No comments

For the life of us, we simply don’t understand why New Yorkers cannot take something in, appreciate a thing, and wait for things to be less hectic.  After all, New York is a city that is all about waiting for things.

There are long lines everywhere, and for just about everything.  These lines easily up to two hours at times to get through — we’re pointing at you, Shake Shack/Grimaldi’s fools.  Despite being able to endure these long waits for food that is in our humble opinion mediocre at best, New Yorkers hate to wait the one minute for a stop light to change, and more so than that, they hate the idea of waiting an hour or so for the marathon to conclude before crossing the marathon’s route.

While we saw many a marathon route crosser, we caught these two guys moving some exercise equipment during the marathon.  Mind you, these images are cropped and they were cutting through a seemingly endless line of runners (who had to dodge them) to move their things.

We were hoping that they were going to start moving an animal farm next, maybe next year.

I Hate NYC #53 – Terribly Inept H1N1 Vaccination Services

November 14, 2009 I Hate NYC
No comments

In case you don’t already know this, we’re in the middle of the H1N1 ‘Swine Flu’ Pandemic. 

While millions of people around the world have contracted swine flu and survived there is a greater chance of dying from swine flu than the regular old flu – especially if you have an underlying medical issue.

In a step to help combat swine flu NYC itself has taken control of its H1N1 vaccination supply. 

Some of you might say, “Hey, that’s great!  They can give it to the people who need it most!” 

Well my friend, if you said that, you are an idiot.  We’d love to sell you a bridge for $500 and then drop a pair of broken glasses next to you, tell you that you broke them and that we need $135 from you immediately for a new pair of lenses.

None of our current doctors have been able to get their hands on the H1N1 vaccine and the city has set up weekend clinics in schools to give out the vaccines to school kids beginning last weekend.

Well, last weekend’s clinic didn’t work out so well as barely anyone brought their children to get vaccinated.  This allowed for the city to expand on who can get vaccinated at weekend clinics to “people with an underlying medical issue.”

Since we have an underlying medical issue in the form of IG-A deficiency — which essentially means that if we contract swine flu we’d likely die since we don’t have a full immune system, we’re trying our best to get the vaccine.

We went to the official NYC.gov website.  Found the widget and performed a search based off of our zip code.

(Click on the above image to read the page in a larger format.)

Our search gave this webpage as a result.

(Again, click on the above image to read the page in a larger format.)

P.S. 186 located on 19th Avenue at 77th Street was the closest weekend clinic given.  We got up bright and early this morning, walked the three miles the P.S. 186 and found the school to be closed.  It was 100% locked up and there was no weekend clinic going on.

We called 311 and the recorded message told us that this weekend has only two schools open in each borough as weekend clinics.  Both of the Brooklyn schools are located so far away that we could fly to Chicago in the same amount of time it would take us for us to get to them – one in Bushwick and the other along the Sheepshead Bay/Marine Park border.

We waited for a 311 Specialist to come on and see if there were any other available options.  They asked for our zip code.  We gave it to them and they informed us that P.S. 186 was the weekend clinic that we should go to today.  Go figure.

As it turns out, had we clicked on the link to P.S. 186 we would have been given this webpage.

(Again, click on the above image to read the page in a larger format.)

Everything within the search results would lead anyone to conclude that P.S. 186 would be open this weekend as a weekend clinic that gives out H1N1 vaccine; yet it’s not open this weekend and we were told by a 311 Specialist (after we informed them that P.S. 186 was not open) that it is only open the weekend of December 12th and 13th – although we’re not 100% sure about this since the whole system is all f’ed up.

Things just shouldn’t have to be this difficult given the situation at hand being a pandemic.  We’d hate to see how terrible the vaccination process would be on a rather quick working virus that kills people at a higher rate.

I Hate NYC #52 – Ginko Trees

October 8, 2009 I Hate NYC
2 comments

New York City has many different types of trees lining the streets.  Some of the planted species are just flat out wrong in use and are not a good urban tree species.  For instance, the Ginko Biloba tree.  The ginko trees were planted decades ago and they leave certain areas of the city smelling like rotten death for weeks every autumn.

The reason for this is that mature ginko trees create these cherry sized fruit that have a milky substance in it that rots on the pavement.

When I said above that they smell like rotting death, I meant it and you could probably add a mix of killer vomit to it…yeup, rotting death/killer vomit would best describe the scent.

Or perhaps, rotting death/killer vomit with a dash of your grandma’s fart that had been brewing since 1973 and finally squeeked out – something like that.

Certain sidewalks in Bay Ridge are currently covered with said stinky fruit, but not to worry…a certain Asian man who was about 45-55 was seen picking up all of the ginko’s around and placing them in cups.  My best guess is that they will eventually find their way to one of the local health food stores or fresh produce markets – YUCK!!!

← Older Entries
newsletter software