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Tree Porn: Oprah Winfrey

When we were younger, we took a (terrible) job at Madame Tussaud’s wax museum in Times Square.  On our first day, we were given a tour that included both the public and non-public areas of the museum.  While in the hair, make-up and wardrobe room, that is not open to the public, we came upon our new coworkers, who were fixing up one of the life-sized figures of Oprah Winfrey (there was more than one Oprah figure at the Times Square museum) — this particular Oprah figure was fully nude.

We were told that Oprah herself was measured before her figure was made and, because of this, her figure looked more lifelike and was made to the exact measurements of the real Oprah.  The faces on the Oprah figures looked much better and more real to the person than say the J-Lo figure (that’s us on the far left and our old tool of a boss on the far right who Michael Musto called a “some unidentified twink named Brian”), who was not measured before her figure was made and whose figure doesn’t actually look like the real Jennifer Lopez.

We bring this all up because while walking through London’s Hyde Park, we came upon this tree and it instantly reminded us of that first day of work at Madame Tussaud’s.  This tree instantly became “The Oprah Tree” to us.  This is because the wax Oprah figure at the museum — which was made from her measurements — had rolls built into the torso, which in our memory looks pretty much exactly like this tree.

So, if you ever wanted to know what a nude Oprah Winfrey looked like ten or so years ago, just look at this tree.  We hope that it satisfies your morbid curiosity.

Tree Porn: The Piercing

We aren’t sure how or why this happened, but there is a mop that has no sponge on its head that has pierced the tree outside of 318 W 14th Street in Manhattan.  The mop is hanging about 30 feet up in the air above pedestrian traffic.

Hurricane Irene?  A coke party?  A giant lumberjack with tiny hands?  We’re at a total loss here as to how this happened, but love the mystery!

Tree Porn: Gene Shalit

We’re constantly amazed at the many things that grow on the side of a tree.


Gene Shalit, you’ve got a friend in this tree!

Tree Porn – Mega Vagina Damage

Two years ago we brought the most you the mega vagina tree of the Brooklyn Botanic Garden, and earlier this month, we found out about the death of another Brooklyn vagina tree – in McCarren Park.  Who would have thought that Brooklyn had unknowingly been the world’s capital of vagina trees?

Well, it looks as though this vagina tree isn’t doing too well either.  It’s covered in cobwebs from lack of use…

And it has suffered from storm damage as well. 

Approximately a third of its main limbs are fallen.  Soon, Brooklyn will be sans vagina trees — sadface! 

Fruit Porn: Tomato Vagina

We need to give our wife big props for not only finding this tomato in our fresh produce from the local CSA, but for also realizing what it looks like, and also for laughing to the point of tears at showing us this surprise tomato.

Mother Nature is a naughty lady!


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