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The past couple of days had the skies giving me this view from the office…

Storms rolling over the skyscrapers of Midtown and the Upper East Side. 

While at home the skies gave me a spectacular lightning show, and brought with them the ocean air to my neighborhood.  Each day it was nothing but salty air in the mornings and I have to admit that there was something quite thrilling about walking through wet and salty air to start my day. 

Now that the storms are all gone the weather feels almost perfect.

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I had some Chimay for the first time last night.

As a big fan of delicious cloudy wheat beers and with a pallet that despises Guinness I wasn’t sure what to expect from the deep brown slightly golden ale of Chimay. 

My take on Chimay after a couple of sips…

“It’s like drinking a smoldering log from a fire on a winter evening.”

Yes, it was THAT delicious.  I know that smouldering log isn’t the best way to describe something delicious and good, but it makes sense in this case.

After two glasses of Chimay (which has higher alcohol by volume than most beers) I was asked if I still thought it tasted like a smouldering log and I could barely remember having said anything about a log, fire or winter. 

After two glasses my take on Chimay was…

“mmm, yeah, Chimay is flippin’ delicious!”

Thank you, Chimay, for a wonderful evening and from now on I promise not to be scared off by your giant bottle in the supermarket - I’ll buy ya!

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As a man the only true way of finding out how classy a bar or restaurant is by going to the bathroom to take a peek at the urinals.

If they are the too short, only at crotch level and/or filthy you know you’re at a classless institution, however, if you find yourself looking at clean gut to floor urinals like these…

You know that you’re in a classy joint - and if you find a pile of ice at the bottom of urinals like this you know that you’re in the classiest of the classy of places.

These gut to floor urinals make a man feel like a gentlemen, and there’s no better public bathroom experience than getting the satisfaction of peeing on ice.

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I finally got to fully cleaning out an old knapsack so that I could use it for the beach the other day.  

The knapsack was mostly filled with ten plus years of junk - random papers, pens, wash up wipes, unused/forgotten/expired condoms, a shirt that I forgot I even had, a half filled bottle of Gatorade that looked to have jellyfish living in it, and this old flyer…

I remember this flyer! 

This F*ckable show was run back in fall of 2001 by my OG pal Janice aka Girlbomb from the blogroll. 

I’m pretty sure that I was actually at this show and that this was the show that had angry stuck up lesbian couple that stuck around after the show demanding a refund of the $10 due to the ”offensive” performance of Curtis Scagnetti.

With a show titled “F*ckable” how could anyone really plead a case for refund saying that they were unaware that edgy material would be performed?

Needless to say Scagnetti kicked performance butt that night by having had a great set and I am very good at procrastinating.

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I love the vacuum cleaner that I bought about a year and a half ago. 

Everything that gets sucked up and into it goes into a container that then spins around, and sometimes when I go to empty the container the vacuumed up contents look like this…

That’s two weeks worth of bathroom, Tony Bennett Room, and bedroom (including comforter cover) cat hair and whatever other miscellaneous lint things and whatnot.

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Current bobblehead Kelly Osbourne was called 2 hot 2 handle by OMG for this here photo…

And I personally can’t help but find her to be doing one hell of a Quagmire impersonation. 

Giggity Giggity Goo!

Kelly, please get off that unhealthy looking diet of yours and bring back your curves while keeping up this whole classier wardrobe about you, thanks.

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The Aramark cafeteria of my office building has something called a “Cobb Burger” as a special of the week.

It looked too delicious to pass up and it was actually quite enjoyable with the burger being of better quality than what they usually serve.

While eating this I figured it was basically a cobb salad and burger combo since the dressings looked exactly like what I usually get with a the cobb salad down there.

Then I looked up what a cobb salad is according to wiki, and since I don’t really know if what goes into a cobb salad I’ll assume that wiki is correct, and well…I’ve apparently been lied to repeatedly by my Aramark cafeteria as to what a cobb salad is supposed to be.

Not only that, but I’ve also apparently never even had a real cobb salad, and it is supposed to have bacon and avocado in it - I love bacon and avocado!

So yeah, I’m a native New Yorker who has never been to Florida and has never had a cobb salad so I guess that this all makes me just about the weirdest and lamest person about the city.

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Seeing as Heath Ledger is thought to have died at the hands of Scientologists, the role of Joker remains open for future Batman movies.

My top pick to be the next person to portray Joker is the one and only, Lee Mazzilli!

Hear me through on this one…

He has acting experience, having starred in an Off Broadway hit after he retired from MLB baseball - Tony n’ Tina’s Wedding - and he really looks as though he has the perfect face and upper body to portray the role even darker (if need be) than Ledger’s version of Joker.

WE WANT LEE! 

WE WANT LEE!

WE WANT LEE!

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No, not nearly as bad as Val Kilmer or George Clooney, but if I had to make me a Batman list I’d have to go with the following order.

1. Adam West
2. Michael Keaton
3. Christian Bale
4. Val Kilmer
5. George Clooney

I don’t get why so many people are all up on thinking Christian Bale is such a great Batman, particularly when each and every time he speaks as Batman he sounds like he is three hours in on a ten hour trip to the bathroom while being extremely constipated. 

Seriously, what is up with that over the top raspy voice of “I’m pooping my pants while fondling myself and watching an old John Holmes porn”?

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The sweet little bungalow that my grandfather built by hand is up for sale.

I spent my first bunch of summers here, although it didn’t look exactly like this when I was there. 

For one thing it was mostly a green shingled home.  The “front door” that is there now wasn’t there, nor was that tallest extension in the back.  The front door was at the original building, which is shown here as being the portion on the far right. 

That deck wasn’t there either, and neither was it all grassy like that.  Sure, it was grassy, but the driveway extended to the back of the house for parking - there’s a six car garage on the property now - right where my pumpkin patch used to be! 

My grandparents summer getaway spot sure has come a long way and I’m glad that the people who have owned it since them have always kept his original building and expansions by adding onto them. 

Funny little factoid about the place is that the bedroom that I shared with my sister is now the walk in closet of the master bedroom.

In any event, the place is up for sale and it sits on top of some 19 acres of the purest and most quiet peaceful land. 

Wish me luck to win the $125,000,000.00 Mega Millions jackpot tonight.  I’d so buy this one in a heartbeat. 

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This video was apparently some big internet video clip last year, but I had never heard of it until yesterday, and it was spectacular to watch!

In Brief:  So there are some water buffalo with a baby, and they walk into a bunch of lions.  The lions catch the baby water buffalo, then two crocodiles grab the baby water buffalo and attempt to steal it from the lions.  The lions win out over the crocs and then a huge heard of water buffalo beat the crap out of the lions and save the baby water buffalo from being a meal for either of them.

If we were to do a side by side evaluation between this eight minute and change video and The Dark Knight, you’ll find that this eight minute video packs more thrills and action than The Dark Knight does on a per second percentage.

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I want to get a new 3G iPhone. 

In order to get one I will need to cancel my current contract with Verizon Wireless - one year early.  By ending the two year contract early I will end up having to pay a cancellation charge of up to $179. 

While I normally would want to take such a penalty charge, the iPhone is a phone that will actually allow me to be on the REAL internet (something that my current Treo doesn’t do) and the plan is a full $30 cheaper per month with the standard plan that I currently pay with Verizon Wireless.

I’ll actually end up saving $360 by switching from the overpriced Verizon Wireless plan to the AT&T Wireless plan.  Given this I don’t mind the cancellation fee and the $199 3G iPhone cost.

I called up Verizon Wireless last week to find out if since I was halfway into my contract I would end up having to pay the full $179 or hopefully less.  For those of you with a poor sense of memory or are new here, I’ve had a bad past with Verizon Wireless customer service reps - which you can read up on here and here…

Last week a gal by the name of Rene picked up on the Verizon Wireless end and upon hearing that I wanted to learn about cancelling my contract early so that I could get the iPhone she immediately became the worst iPhone/AT&T service rep - she also became a classless tool of Verizon Wireless.

Rene blasted the iPhone saying that the data is only available at hotspots - despite AT&T reps assuring me that data is available anywhere that the phone has reception as well as the fact that I’ve seen people use the iPhone data service when not in a hot spot. 

After Rene’s extremely poor customer service by way of tacky competitor bashing she hung up on me. 

I kid you not, she hung up on me.  I can speak to my sister for an hour on my cell phone at work and not have it drop at all, but when on the phone with Verizon Wireless it miraculously “cut out”. 

iPhone, hear I come.  Verizon Wireless, prepare to be banished into the land of unneeded, untrustworthy, and shady businesses in my mind - you’ll spend an eternity living with Time Warner Cable. 

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Call me crazy here, but I’d really like to see hear some girl on girl action between the voice of “Please Silence Your Cell Phones” from the movie theater and the NYC subway robot voice - “Next stop, Times Square”

I imagine the whole thing would sound like this…

“Next stop, Clark Street…”

“Please silence your cell phones…”

“Next stop, Nevins Street…”

“Please silence your cell phones…”

“Next stop, Atlantic Avenue…”

“Please silence your cell phones…”

Isn’t THAT hot?!?!?! 

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I found a beehive yesterday evening! 

I was minding my own business at the end of my gardening by watering the couple of potted plants that were in dire need of water in the backyard.  I nudged a pot of bluegrass with my foot to see how light it was so I would know how much water to give it when I noticed well over a hundred angry looking bees flying all around my legs and potted plants.

The pot was light with a bunch of dead strands of bluegrass around the bottom so it obviously needed to get a lot of water.

Needless to say, I dropped the running hose, and ran to the basement door screaming like a little girl in the blink of an eye.

Having not been followed into the basement I figured that they weren’t too dangerous or angry at me, however, I needed to find out where they were coming from so I could figure out what to do with them. 

Turns out they built themselves a hive inside of my poorly kept container of bluegrass that I started from seed in 2004.

I ran in and picked up my new much higher powered camera with a much better zoom and took some photos.  In those five or so minutes most of the bees (technically yellowjackets) went back inside of the hive to chill out. 

I’m fascinated by their hive construction.  They managed to cut off about an inch and a half section of dead bluegrass strands and made themselves a burrow home.

It’s not too big of a section to allow birds and animals to get in, but it’s plenty big enough to allow well over a hundred of yellowjackets to pour out in angry defense in a very fair and orderly fashion.  Watching them come out was cartoonish. 

Their hive is a good sign that I have a healthy garden and I love having bees in my garden - not so much the actual hive at ground level - meaning, the bumblebee hive inside the telephone pole some ten feet up is perfect. 

From what I’ve read, yellowjacket colonies grow very fast to be about 3,000 to 5,000 in size and swarm and keep on stinging and biting out of defense when the nest is disturbed. 

Due to the location of the hive it is not a good spot as it will get moved and bumped around - I don’t need several dozen stings and bites from them - I’ll need to find someone to remove the whole thing so that they don’t make a different new nest in an even worse location next year. 

So yeah, if anyone knows of someone who removes yellowjackets for free, please let me know.  I’m not for pesticides and the collected yellowjackets can go to good use in the form of making anti-venom for those who are allergic.

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I saw The Dark Knight on Saturday night at the theater on Court Street. 

My highlights of the experience that has nothing to do with the plot of the film itself…

1. Watching someone trip with a giant tub of popcorn while running up the stairs at the beginning of the coming attractions was quite entertaining.
2. Listening to a guy keep shouting out “I saw that” at the guy who tripped was quite entertaining too.
3. Listening to the crowded 8:10 showing laugh with joy at the falling of bucket o’ popcorn guy was quite good fun too.
4. I got to see that classless people are still thriving in America by way of people bring waves of kids under age three to the nighttime showing of the movie.
5. People loved to clap at the weirdest of moments during the movie.
6. I didn’t have to get up once to pee during the two and a half hour movie.
7. Regis Philbin gave the best and most accurate review of the film - it was too long.

Now for my feeling on the actual film…SEMI SPOILER ALERT!!!

The opening sequence of the bank robbery, the armor truck sequence, and the hospital sequences were all flippin’ amazing!  Heath Ledger as Joker made me want to see the movie and it had nothing to do with the fact that he died - I was never a fan of his before The Dark Knight trailor and I have yet to see Selena.

The last 40 or so minutes after the hospital scene where Two Face comes to life were really unnecessary to have The Dark Knight be a good movie. 

There was that false wrap up ending when it was revealed that Commissioner Gordon was alive that could have ended The Dark Knight nicely and then with the Two Face storyline being tagged on at the end like it was, it made the movie extraordinary long to the point that the movie as a whole also became too complicated to be meaningful - thereby detracting from an amazing hour and fifty minutes of terrific movie. 

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